Shape of me✔️

Indeed beautiful

       ~~S H A P E  O F  M E~~
A pin dropped and I heard it. There was nothing more freakishly and terribly alarming than the quietness of the hall. Yet, I didn't feel like running out or scanning every hidden corner for a place to stash myself.

Maybe it was because of the fact that I knew I looked good with my natural hair swept off my face and in a bun that left my jawline exposed. Or maybe it was because I had come to terms with my appearance and I knew I was beautiful just the way I was. I think it was more of the latter.

"You can now give everyone your speech Temi." My English teacher said to me. "Goodluck."

I felt the stare of more than 150 pairs of eyes on me and I stared right back at them defiantly without any shame or wavering.

It was over and done. The old era of me being intimidated by every little thing had perished with the old me who thought I wasn't good enough.

Hilarious was the word to describe how I had felt about myself. My prayers every night had been "Lord would it hurt to be someone else for a day?" It had been uttered so fervently that it wouldn't had surprised me if God had sometimes pitied me or seen me as an ignorant fool.

Weeks however had passed and I had broken through the mound. I was no longer lost in the deep sea of self imposed belittlement. A brand new me you could say had surfaced, making her debut. My prayer now was no longer what it had been, instead it went along the lines of; "Lord please make me a better version of myself." I was ready to reach my full potentials not merely hoping for the identity of someone who I wasn't ever supposed to be.

My heart ached for each second I had wasted in misery instead of toasting (glasses of water by the way) to who I was.

I wanted to appreciate the me I was even more. I wanted to apologise to my former self for the times I thought she wasn't good enough. I wanted to turn back time and stand up for us when I had allowed her to be trod over by people who weren't better than she was. I wanted to apologise for all the times I let her cry when she should had been smiling. I wanted to show her how great she was and teach her not to ever doubt herself.

"You're worth it." I would tell her and seal it with a kiss I'd poured all of my emotions into.

But I couldn't turn back time. The hours wouldn't let me. The minutes were too selfish for their share and the seconds wouldn't let go of the power they held at the highest of hierarchies. So I had to tell the me I was now even if she already knew. I had to tell her over and over again so she would never forget.

"Temi. Please give your speech." My teacher said in a more urgent tone and I nodded quickly, suddenly pulled back into reality.

My gaze turned to the carefully folded paper in my hand—the perfect speech I had written months ago. It was finally time to pretend to be who I wasn't and say what I didn't in anyway mean. But I suddenly didn't feel like it.

It wasn't only not feeling like it; every fibre of my being rejected the boldly printed lies I held and it was clear going through with it would spell out regret for the rest of my life as long as my memory would serve me.

So a last minute decision it was; one that would ruin me if it backfired but was worth taking the risk. I folded my processed pulp of lies and dumped it in my pocket. This was my first and inevitably last speech at CHS and I was going to end it my way.

"Good evening everyone." I stared straight at the walled ends of the hall. "It's great to see you all this evening for Croner's High School 2019 open house." I commented when I wasn't even looking at them. "I had something planned out on my paper to say but now I will instead be speaking on an issue I hold dear to myself. The topic is self-confidence."

It was in this moment I decided to actually turn my eyes to the people I was addressing. I saw beautiful, innocent faces with expressions of expectations and excitement. They all seemed so happy that I couldn't help but feel a knot form in bottom of my stomach. If only they knew how CHS was going to destroy their lives and make them feel like they were worth nothing. It would happen so quick before they could even notice. I had to let them know.

"We don't talk about it a lot 'cos we always on about the opposite 'self-consciousness'. So allow me to start from there. Pardon me when I go off on it, punching it in it's face and kicking it out of my life because that's what we all need to do too. It's the one of the saddest problems we face because it doesn't care about looks, age, gender, size or race. It might not be about our body, but there's always something holding us back from taking that big step. Am I good enough? We ask ourselves."

I paused and I could make out the different faces in the sea of bodies; young and old, big and small. At the same time, I spotted people familiar. Was that Mami, Miss Willows and Miss Jane? Their eyes met mine and Mami gave me a thumbs up and her lips moved. "I love you."

Taking a deep breath, I returned back to my speech with renewed vigour and confidence. "Yes we ask ourselves that question." I allowed a small smile to scratch the surface of my face only barely.

"But I'm here to let you know that you are good enough. You've been good enough and you will always be good enough. You just need to recognise that fact and take that leap of faith. When you start to think that you can't do it, then you gotta take a second to give yourself a good talking to and remind you that you can do anything you put your heart to except committing a crime of course." I added and many snickered in amused consensus.

"I will be keeping my speech short today in order to save time. So I'll address our grade nines-to-be. I know we all are excited to start high school and I am aware because I was once like this and I couldn't wait to start my life off somewhere new. My advice for you all is to keep that same spirit. Stay bright-eyed, alertly eager and full of energy. I have to admit. It will get hard. Sometimes you will feel like giving up, sometimes you will feel like conceding defeat, sometimes you will feel like all you can do is abandon hope."

"But you can't. You aren't permitted to do so. We aren't given that choice. We have to keep up the faith and continue fighting. Nothing good ever comes easy. Remember that. Love yourself and believe in what you can do. Don't let anyone ever bully you into doing what you don't want."

"Let it sink in through engraved words in our minds that we will make mistakes but our ability to be able to pick up ourselves and move on is what matters. No one should ever trick you into feeling inferior. You are amazing, so love yourself. Fall in love with every flaw you have and let the world know that they cannot force you to change who you are. Radiate self confidence in everything you do and never forget that you are beautiful. For indeed we are all beautiful inside and out. Thank you."

A thunderous applause rose as I took my leave off the stage. Mr Jonah shook my hand halfway through. "Well done Temi."

"Thank you sir."

"Tope." I heard a voice call and I lifted my head as my lips curved in a smile.
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The last chapter of Shape of Me will be posted soon loves. Thank you for reading. Cheers!