Shape of me✔️

A little more

       ~~S H A P E  O F M E~~
I let out a groan as I plucked out one of the many hairs that were growing on my chin. Yes, I had chin hairs just like Mami did. It was one of my inherited sources of insecurities. I tried plucking them every time they grew out, but judging from how many they were, they only multiplied in number.

"I hate you." I muttered, wiping down the fog that covered my face on the mirror. "I hate me." I added as tears streamed down my face. Having chin hairs had always scared me since I first saw one appear on my jawline when I was twelve years old. It was no different now.

All I could think of was what would the guy I was dating–if I dated any–think when he held my chin up and saw facial hairs or maybe when he touched my face, felt their coarse texture?

Maybe that was why I couldn't be with Malik. 

If you were wondering about our relationship status after the kiss, then I'm sorry to let you know that fate has once again disappointed us. Malik and I weren't becoming a couple any time soon.

After I had been robbed of my second kiss–which I totally enjoyed, I had thought Malik liked me or maybe even loved me. But boy was I wrong...

The next week I was crestfallen to see Malik ignoring me like I didn't exist. I caught him uncountable times with his arms wrapped around different girls. It hurt me like a deep wound and made me feel even more insignificant than I thought I was before.

All the pain welling up inside of me was like that of a knife dipped into a furnace and stabbed through my heart. I felt betrayed. Hurt and betrayed.

It hurt because he failed to acknowledge my existence. I didn't need him to date me if he didn't want to, but I at least wanted to know that our kiss meant something to him like it did to me.

He however proved the opposite as he was ashamed of even being seen with me and I knew deep down that it was because I wasn't good enough for him.

Why couldn't I be like other girls?

Other girls didn't have beards like boys did, they weren't as fat as a cow and they most certainly weren't ugly like I was.

Sitting on the edge of the bathtub with my towel on, I wondered how my life would be if I was just a little more perfect. Just a little more Lord. Couldn't you do that?

Before I could slip deeper into my pit of sadness and self pity, I heard Mami call my name from her room.

"Tope are you still in that bathing room?" She never called it a bathroom. "Aren't you going to school early today?" She asked again. Mami always snapped me out of my funereal reveries even without her knowing it.

"No. I'm not going early today and I will soon be done." I cleared my throat to make sure she didn't know I was crying. If Mami found out, she would give me a whole hour of preaching on why I should love myself and stop being stupid and I most certainly wasn't ready for that this early in the morning. 

"Okay. Wake Titi up when you are done with dressing. Don't forget o."

"Yes ma." I replied as I grabbed my lotion and headed to my room.

Twenty minutes later, I was rushing out of the door with my heavy bag weighing me down and slowing my steps. School really wasn't worth it sometimes.

Waking Titi up had taken more than five minutes as 'her royal highness' didn't feel like it was time to be woken up by her peasant(me) which meant I was going to miss my bus any time soon. Thanks to her highness.

Honk honk!

A car horn startled me and I found myself almost slipping on an ice patch. I turned my head towards the car only to realise it was a truck. My face blazed with anger as I dusted my palms to get the ice off.

Who was that stupid idiot trying to kill me? As much as I hated myself and sometimes wished I was someone else, I still found old age attractive.

Honk honk honk!

The horn sounded even louder as I tried walking away towards the bus stop. This time, I squinted my eyes to check who the driver was.

"Oh my gosh Sherrandah." I gasped then started walking faster. I eventually started running which was a stupid idea as I couldn't outrun a truck. The Flash's powers could really come in handy right now.

"Temi!" Sherrandah yelled, rolling down her window. There was no need for me to keep up with my plan as I had already got caught.

"Hey Sherry." I gave her a tight-lipped smile.

"Tems I been calling you, but you was moving too fast. Are you okay?"

"I thought I was gonna miss my bus." I lied and she nodded in understanding although I was sure my words didn't sound as convincing as they should have. I didn't really care anyway. She could think anything she wanted.

"Let's go get our makeup done before school." She suggested and I nodded and hopped onto the truck. I didn't hate the idea as much as I thought I would the first time, so why not? After all, I needed to show Malik that I was strong even though I was heartbroken.

Since the subtle rejection, all I could do was avoid him. If he didn't see me as good enough to talk to, why should I let him see me?

Ignoring him however meant ignoring everyone else including Sherrandah. I didn't want the world(CHS) to know about my kiss with Malik and how he dumped me before we even started dating. The reputation I was trying to build would crumble to dust if anyone found out how pathetic I was.

"So tell me why you been avoiding me for almost a week. I tried picking you up for school a many times, but you wasn't home. Yo mama said you 'ways leaving early."

"Yeah she told me you came around." I sniffed, warming my hands in front of the heater.

"What's wrong Tems? Someone did you wrong?"

"Hmmm." I was on the verge of tears but tried forcing them back in. And when it didn't work, resulted to wiping my tears away quickly.

"Are you crying?" She put the truck in park in her house's driveway after a few minutes. "Oh baby." She unbuckled her seatbelt and reached around to give me a hug. "You know you can tell me anything right Tems?"

"I know." I took a deep breath as I told her everything. From the beginning.
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