Mateless. (katsudeku♡)

Chapter 23

Silence,

The Most Powerful Scream.

*

Katsuki Bakugou's POV

Nothing came out of my mouth. I just stood there, dumbfounded, with the phone pressed softly to my ear. His voice rang out to me like a soft melody that I didn't know the words to. I wanted to know the words so badly, but in reality, I hardly even knew the tune.

"Mom? Hello? Are you okay?"

Still, nothing but broken breaths came spewing past my lips. Why couldn't I speak? What about this boy made my insides churn so much to the point where I am physically incapable of doing anything anymore?

I snapped out of my daze when I heard a faint voice calling through the phone. It definitely was a voice, it was loud enough to hear that. It was not loud enough to hear what the voice was saying or what gender that person was. The voice made my skin crawl. It was unfamiliar and unpleasant. Something felt off about it in the pit of my stomach. I chose to ignore it, it wasn't important.

"Well, I have to go now. My friend is calling me. Bye Mom! I love you."

Then the line goes dead. If only that 'I love you' was meant for me still, but I've ripped his heart out of his chest too many times. It was only right for him to be gone at this point. He kept waiting for me and I never came, I'm too late. His eyes could easily be seen as more beautiful and captivating than the stars, galaxies, and universes combined. I lost that. It's not like anyone would stay in love with someone like me. Someone who has broken the heart of the only person who's hand was always held out for me. I didn't want to look up anymore, because God, I didn't want to come to terms with the heart wrenching feeling of him not being there anymore.

How nice it must be, to be able to love someone who let's you break them more than once.

I almost didn't notice the phone slip out of my hand, meeting the wooden drawer it was displayed on with a slight clacking sound. My entire body felt numb. I felt so much to the point where I started to feel nothing. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. My source of oxygen was over thousands of miles away. I was choking, no, I was suffocating. Every blinking moment the lack of air became more and more noticeable. I couldn't help but gasp to have more air fill my lungs. With those gasps, came a steady flow of tears that I had been so sick of these past two weeks. It was so funny how even if I was perfectly fine just a moment ago, why does it now feel like I'm dying?

I've been thinking about everything lately. Everything I had put Deku through. All the bullying and the constant torment just because I didn't want to show weakness. I didn't want anyone to know he was my weakness. But how come it had to turn into hatred? I stopped talking to him because I wanted to protect him. Maybe I also wanted to see if he missed me. In the end, it's me that is missing him more than anything. How come I couldn't just tell him how I really felt along the way?

I don't hate you. God, hatred was the farthest thing I felt towards you. I guess showing you that I did was easier than telling you what I really wanted, needed.

Why is that he was able to become so strong and I only started to falter in his tracks? I know we had the fight at Ground Beta and ever since then things have become slightly better. Fate had plans for us, and I always seem to mess things up. On New Years, I could have ran over to him, I could have embraced him. Why couldn't I have just accepted his feelings toward me sooner? Maybe it was the fact that I wanted to be number one so bad, but how can you be number one when there is no two to follow behind you?