Land Down Under // Rydon AU

You're f***ing gay and I love you

~ Ryan's POV ~

Brendon's staring at the wall, looking entirely empty. We've heard shit before, but he's never reacted like this. I can only imagine what hell he's been through if this is the same scene replaying in his nightmares.

I've noticed how he gets the night before these dreams, and it's like this. They're not always after we get tossed around or yelled at. I haven't worked out everything yet, but I've seen enough to guess.

"Bren?" 

His shoulders tense at the sound of my voice, but he remains otherwise unresponsive.

"Brendon, please talk to me"

After a painfully long silence, He turns to face me.

"Babe..." My voice trails off when I notice the tears beginning to stain his face. "Don't do that, beautiful." I'm on his mattress in a flash, wrapping him my arms as he buries his face in the crook in my neck.

"Bren?" 

"Hm?"

"I don't want to overstep, so don't feel pressured to respond," I pause to examine his expression. His chocolate eyes are wide and bleary. "But, you get like this before the nightmares."

I expect his face to drop, but a crumpled version of a smile has found it's way onto his face. "Am I... am I that broken it's... it's obvious?"

"Bren, what are you on about?" I don't understand how he can sound so fucking hurt but look so... cold? nonchalant?

"I'm so fucking beaten down you can tell before I hit a low... I'm fucking flawed." His lip trembles, and my heart breaks while I watch him fall apart in my arms.

"Brendon... I can't understand until you tell me what's happened." He rolls away from me so that there's a cold space between us. I leave my hand out half way, but his stay by his sides. His swollen eyes meet mine, his expression unchanged.

"I... I don't know if I can" I move to hold him again, but he stands up.

"Babe," I rise from the mattress, walking over to look him in the eyes. "I can't get whatever happened to you. I can try to understand, but I won't. But I can be here for you. And I won't leave. Whatever's happened, I want to be here for you. I know it's hard as fuck, but you have to trust people. The people you love are here for you, and you need to know that to get through this"

His eyes meet mine, my beautiful boyfriend wearing a much calmer, yet somewhat unsure expression than before.

Oh fuck.

I think I told him I love him. I don't even know if I love him. He probably just thinks I said that to make him tell me what's going on. If I've screwed this up I swear to god I won't forgive myself. Sometimes it astounds me that people consider my English speaking abilities to be fluent, seeing as I can't use the language without taking the piss out of myself.

"You love me?" His voice is croaky at this point. I move to hug him, to wrap him in my arms without letting go. Because yeah. I do love him.

but he steps back.

"I-I do love you, Bren. A shit ton." My words roll off him as if I hadn't poured my heart out.

"M-my dad said no one would love me." When our eyes met again there was no light left behind his eyes, like he was reliving everything.

"He was wrong, Baby. Because I love you a hell of a lot." Without waiting for a response I push him back onto my bed so that I fall on top of him. I cup his face in my hand, allowing my eyes to trace his face before leaning down to peck his lips. He tenses for a second, before his lips begin to move in sync with mine. He wraps his arms around my neck before he pulls away. His eyes are still sad, but his lips have curled up at the ends.

"H-he was wrong about lots of things." I roll off him onto my side, facing him.

"Like what, B?" 

"He said they'd never catch him; that nobody would care what he did to mom, or- or to me." He stumbled over his words, not once breaking eye contact. "But they did."

"Do you wanna talk about it, beautiful?" My voice is a whisper now, soft enough to soothe Brendon's nerves.

"Dad.. He was... was a bad guy. It all started when Mom started talking about moving back to Australia. Dad had just lost his job, and she had connections over here, so it seemed perfect. My ma's a great lawyer, but dad never let her go back to work after she had me."

His breathing picks up, so I drag my fingers up and down his back to remind him he's safe in my arms.

"I-it started when she took a charity case f-for a woman. Sh-she was trying to... to sue her rapist. But, she wasn't sure who it was. She didn't have a name to put to his face, but mom found security footage."

He stops for a moment, looking to me for what I can only assume to be for assurance.

"Hold me tighter, Ryan." His voice cracks when he says my name.

"Of course I can, beautiful." I squeeze his body tighter, feeling him relax in my arms.

"She watched it, and... It was my dad." As he speaks, I feel my shirt start to get wet. I tilt his chin up, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"He made her drop the case. That poor woman. I don't even know where she is now. I don't even know if she's even alive, Ryan. He started beating her, threatening to hurt me if she went to the cops. And that kept me safe until he found me with a guy. You know..." He trails off, biting down on his lips to stop whatever's coming next.

"Baby, you're with me now. You're not there." I press a kiss to his temple, pushing a greasy lock out of his eyes.

"N-no, Ryan, what if I'm like him?" His voice is so small, so muffled by tears that it's barely audible.

"Bren, look at me." I place a hand on either side of his face, pushing my forehead against his. His eyes are dark and stormy, but cold and terribly afraid.  "You are not him. You never have been, and you never will be, okay?"

"But Ryan-" I peck his lips to stop his downward spiral progressing any further. "But nothing, Brendon. You're compassionate, and beautiful and fucking gay and I love every fucking inch of you."

He clings to me tighter at my confession, before reaching up to kiss me. "I love you too, Ryan."

--- A/N ---

welp there's another chapter.

maybe another tonight or maybe not who knows?

not me haHA. 

or maybe i'll update my other story called wish you were here its rydon read it please its for my self esteem which is not the best at the moment but like ,,, when is it?

anyway enjoy the rest of your time on our pathetic mortal coil

or like, have a good day or whatever.

-la.