The Pain of Existing

Chapter 8

I'm back! I know that I always post these really late, but I literally write them right before posting so I can't really help that sorry :p

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

Peter's P.O.V.

"Hey, hey, it's ok, everything's going to be just fine."

"But how do you know that?" I asked.

"I know everything. Now, its getting late, kid, how about you go to bed?"

"Mister Stark, it's 8:30," I giggled a bit, but stopped abruptly, lost in thought.

"Pete?" Tony questioned. My mind wanders too far, and I have to be snapped back to reality. "Hey, earth to kid?"

"It's just," I take a few breaths, finding talking to be suddenly more difficult. "I don't have anyone left." Tony grimaced.

"Oh, kid," Tony's expression was one of pity.

"You know what, I'm feeling kinda tired. Maybe I will go to bed," I yawn. I can handle that, I'm sure.

"Alright, kid. I'll see you in the morning. Get some rest." I nod, walking down the long, dark hallway. More thoughts cross my mind, making me dizzy. The geometric pattern on the carpet flickers all over my field of vision, and I run into the wall. Disoriented, I try to sit, but I don't know what direction is where. And, with my abilities, that can be a problem. So it must've been quite a shock for Mister Stark to find a spider-powered teen crying on the hallway ceiling.

"Pete?! How-" I cut him off with a loud sob. So much for handling it. He's immediately by my side, or, at least as much by my side as he could be. "Hey, Pete, focus on me. Look at me." His voice was calm and steady, but the look of shock on his face told a different story. I tried to talk, but everything just came out in huge gasping breaths.

"Mister... Stark... I..."

"No, Pete, don't talk, focus on breathing." My chest burned, and I realized he was right. I wasn't breathing. "Breathe with me, in, out, in, out." I took in a small breath, gasping a bit at the relief in my lungs. I started coughing at how strange it was. Everything felt so surreal, like I was watching the scene play out rather than living it. "Peter! Breathe, dammit!" Tony's voice gripped me from my thoughts, bringing me back to reality. I took a deep breath, sucking in air quickly before forcing it out in a hushed exhale.

I suddenly felt more aware than I had before, and I slowly climbed down from the ceiling. Two arms were immediately wrapped around me, pulling me in tight. It was comforting, and more tears leaked out of my eyes as I remembered that May used to hug me like that.

"Kid, do not scare me like that again, you hear me?" I nodded, wiping my cheek and sniffing.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." I stare at my feet, avoiding eye contact.

"No no no, Pete, you have nothing to apologize for." Tony gave me a sad smile, straightening his posture. "Now, I think you should get some sleep. Goodnight, kid."

"G'night," I mumbled, my voice mulled over with sleep. I opened the door, shutting it tightly behind me. I click the lock into place, taking my position in the bathroom. Everything had been cleaned up, and my knife and razors were confiscated. I ransacked the drawers, driven by madness. After finding nothing, I fell to the floor, defeated. The voice wouldn't go away, either.

You're not good enough.

You're weak.

Just die already.

I hadn't thought of that before. I had never wished to die, but considering it now, it would be easier that way. Would dying end my suffering, or just temporarily suspend it? Would I still suffer in the afterlife? Was there an afterlife? Would anyone care if I died?

I sat on that bathroom floor, frozen in shock. I knew I shouldn't think like that, but it didn't seem like a bad solution. Maybe I should- no. Peter, stop that. Stop. Stop. Stop. The battle going on inside my head was cut short by a knock on the door.

"Pete? Open the door." It was Mister Stark. He sounded nervous, which confused me. Why was he upset? "Peter! Please, just open up!" I stand abruptly, making me dizzy. I lean against the wall, waiting for the spots in my vision to fade. More knocking. I open the door, and he grabs both of my arms, inspecting my wrists. "Let me see your legs."

"Mister Stark, I didn't, I swear-"

"It's ok kid, I believe you. But you're spending the night in the med bay, I want to keep an eye on you." I'm slightly surprised, but I don't argue.

"Okay."

Whoo! I suck!

I'm just amazed that it's actually still Saturday lol

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