𝑹𝑼𝑰𝑵 𝑴𝑬

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕰𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖓

The kiss was slow at first, and to be honest I enjoyed the feeling of his lips on mine. They were soft, like clouds even. Im ashamed to say I may have even missed them.

When I finally realized what I was doing and my mind outweighed my pleasure I broke it.

"Wait." I held my hands to his chest.

"I-I can't do this.." I backed up.

"Why, Wait whats wrong, I thought you were enjoying it." He asked frantically.

"That's not why I can't..., I can't because, beca-"

"Because there someone else." He cut me off, his words dripping with pain and envy.

"NO, yes.., I don't know..." I sighed.

"Pharaoh..." I walked closer and grabbed his hand.

"I don't know what I want,I don't know if I want him. I don't know if I even should. I don't know if I want you or if that's even right. I need time, how long, I don't know. Which is why I can't ask you to wait for me."

"You never asked me to in the first place, I'm waiting because I want you. I can't stop thinking about you, dreaming about you, imagining waking up next to you again, and from that kiss I can tell you've done some thinking too." He said as he used his index finger to raise my chin.

"I'm gonna wait for you Joshua, I just hope it's not for nothing." He let go of my hand and backed away.

He walked back into the café holding the door for me to follow him.

I did exactly that and went back over to the table with Alyssa and Apunda.

When I sat down they exchanged looks and began to sip on their drinks.

"What?" I asked.

"Oh—Nothing," Alyssa looked out the window.

"We saw you and Mr.Caramel over there kiss, Just Friends huh?"  Apunda smirked.

I chuckled awkwardly before softly laid my head on the table.

"What's wrong, I'd be ah lot more enthusiastic if I kissed him." Apunda shook her head.

"It's not just that it's..Im just confused, I feel like-

"There's another guy isn't there!" Alyssa said as her mouth dropped.

I looked down and slowly shook my head in shame.

"Show us a picture!" She said excitedly.

"Even if I had one I wouldn't be able too. He's—complicated." I put as best I could.

"Your single handedly the most interesting person I've met all year." Apunda said with a straight face making us both chuckle.

"So, what's his name." Alyssa asked wearing a sky smile.

I paused and smiled thinking about him, "Clarence."

"He sounds like he'd be a good farmer." Apunda said with another serious face.

I gave her a questioning and amused look before Alyssa started speaking.

"Well who do you have more history with." Alyssa asked.

I nodded towards pharaoh who was ordering at the counter.

"Who do you think you could make more history with." She asked wisely.

I paused and thought to myself as Clarence's words echoed throughout my head.

"I've never been one for mushy shit, but they make my day livable whenever I think bout' em'."

"Clarence." I said more to myself than her.

"Then there's your answer, be with the person you can make a future with, not the person stuck in the past." She smiled, Apunda nodded in agreement while I sat across from them in deep thought.

"I wish it was that easy, I really do."

"Well, why is it not?" Apunda asked with questioning eyes.

Of course I couldn't tell them the truth, although we had been hitting it off and becoming closer, I just didn't know if this was something safe sharing.

"Because I can't date him, it wouldn't be right."

"Who the hell determines who you get to date and who you don't?" Apunda asked, her words oddly similar to Clarence's.

I stayed silent and ate a piece of my donut hoping they'd drop the subject.

After about five minutes of silence Alyssa Spoke up.

"Josh you should exchange numbers with us, we'd love to keep in touch."

I nodded writing my number on a napkin as they did the same.

Once we exchanged numbers we gathered our things and left the cafe.

"It was nice meeting you guys." I gave the each a hug.

"It was nice meeting you too, though I do wish it was a little different." Alyssa laughed turn bright red.

I chuckled and shook my head, we said our final goodbyes and walked in our different directions.

The walk back to my car was peaceful, which was good because I definitely needed time to think....a lot of it.

I flopped down in my car and started the engine before pulling off.

My mind instantly drifted to Clarence, I felt something for him, that I couldn't deny. He made something inside me spark.

All my life everything had been predictable, a norm. But when I was with him it was a rush. I never knew what could happen next.

Yet when I was with Pharaoh things just felt right. Even when when we were younger., we were like two pieces of a puzzle.

I looked down at my phone when it vibrated half expecting to see Either Alyssa or Apunda but it was neither.

As I read My mothers contact name come across my phone my face instantly contorted.

Ever since that night I hadn't heard from either from them, nor did I want to.

I swiftly pressed decline and continued driving.

I had no desire to speak to either of them. When they learned how to live with me instead through me I'd answer a call.

As I pulled into my phone rang again causing me to sigh.

I looked down at it to see it was my father this time,I pressed decline just as I did with my mother and stepped out of my car.

As I walked into my house I let out a breath of exhaustion...

No matter what The Same question continued to ring through my head.

Pharaoh......or Clarence?