What Happens By Candlelight

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Games

We both tumbled out from under the desk, our cheeks flushed and limbs weak. The anxiety from seconds ago still rung heavily in the air, but the embarrassment was far more prevalent. Neither of us bothered to speak of what transpired.

I was NOT in love with him. I would KNOW if I was. Isn't that how it worked? Wouldn't one just know when they were in love?

I forced myself to stand, my thoughts becoming jumbled and confused. I would know, wouldn't I? There's no other plausible outcome to such an experience, I would HAVE to know if I had fallen in love.

"I... I should retire before they make the next round." My voice was far softer than usual. All confidence left me, leaving me drained and exhausted.

"That would be wise," I found myself almost frozen. I somehow managed to lose the ability to move my body. My mind fought and fought, but all I could do was stare at the disheveled soldier. "Or, perhaps you could... stay... a little longer."

I did need to find something. I promised myself. I will leave this room with new information, one way or another.

"I could, but not for long-"

The backs of my legs were pressed against the desk while my hands pressed against the solid wood, trying desperately to balance myself. I struggled to keep myself upright, all while Gabriel indulged himself in my lips once more.

His hair fell loose from the tie, which lay on the floor a couple of feet from us. I responded slowly, trying to keep his attention away from my hands, which quietly pat around the desk looking for whatever papers he was looking at. When my left hand finally found what I was looking for, I gripped it tightly. Steadily, I pulled the parchment closer to me.

I felt sick. This was wrong of me.

There was a stinging in my eyes, forcing me to pause all movement. Before Gabriel could notice, I released the paper and gingerly moved my hands to his shoulders. I tried to ignore my erratically beating heart, and the ruin of my reputation should someone else walk in. One wrong step from either of us and everything we've worked for will crumble at our feet.

After several moments, I pulled back. I needed air, as well as a moment to think clearly. His head moved to rest on my shoulder, where soft kisses were left where my neck and shoulder meet. My chest rose and fell with every inhale and exhale, yet I still felt the need to hold my breath.

I'm not in love with him. I'm not in love with him. This isn't loving. This couldn't possibly be... It isn't. There is no possible way that this feeling equates to love. I feel guilty. Guilt does not come from love. If I loved him then I wouldn't feel so responsible over all my correspondents with Amanda. I wouldn't have given her all the reliable and important information. I would have simply told her small things, enough for raids and skirmishes.

I was the reason behind multiple battles. I'm the reason for whatever will happen in Yorktown.

"You should go," he spoke up for the first time in ages, his words muted by the skin and fabric covering my shoulders. "Otherwise..."

"Yes, goodnight Gabriel." I pulled away from him completely, silently assessing his disheveled features before I made my way to the door. For a moment, I hesitated, looking back at him for a moment before clearing my mind enough to walk through the door and into the hall.

I chose not to notice how he stared at the placement of his papers, with at least one document completely separated from the rest, with a crumpled corner.

I let the door close behind me, but I couldn't bring myself to move for a moment. Slowly, one of my hands moved upwards, feeling my swollen lips.

Three years ago, I never would have believed that I would become a spy. Three years ago I would have laughed in the face of any man, woman, or child who said I would leave a British officer's office in the middle of the night with swollen lips and flushed cheeks. Three years ago, I was a child left to face the adult world.

Today, I am a woman regretting every decision she's made up until this point.

Finally, I managed to move away from the door. I made my way down the halls, heading back towards my room. Suddenly, a door opened and out came Madeline, a frustrated pout on her lips.

That was not her room.

I forced my mouth shut, knowing that asking her what she was doing up would end with the same question being tossed back at me.

Her eyes scanned the hall before they finally landed on me. They widened before she acted completely normal and closed the door behind her. "Oh, Christina... I didn't expect to see you here."

"Whose room is that?" I tried to find any hints, but her hand remained clamped on the knob, guarding it.

"Now, Christina, we were planning to tell you together. Not like this," biting her lip, Madeline moved her gaze around the hall. "But it seems as though I must do this alone."

Together? Who on earth was she seeing so late at night?

"Gabriel and I have been-"

"Gabriel?" Humor laced me tone, with an undercurrent of venom. One wrong step and I couldn't promise her safety.

"Yes, you see, he had been planning to break your courtship but was afraid to hurt your already fragile heart. He and I are in love, Christina, and we need you to understand this. He doesn't know how to leave you, so you should leave him. We'll all be much happier in the end-"

"And he's in there? You two were in there together?" I raised a brow, trying to keep all traces of humor and malice off my face.

"Oh yes, yes he is. I left just now, but you must let him rest. He's been so stressed and tense lately. I've been coming to... relieve him..." She bit her lip, playing her role perfectly. I wonder how long it took her to come up with this little plan of hers.

I let out a fake sigh, letting my eyes wander around the hall. "Well, I should tell him our courtship is over then," I watched the excitement cross her feature with a smirk, "I'll be right back."

I turned and took several steps back the way I came.

"Where-where are you going?"

"Didn't you know?" She shook her head as I paused in my step. I turned back towards her, but let the distance remain. "Gabriel is in his office and has been there for a couple of hours now, but you know that since you've been... relieving him of his stress."

Her face paled as my chuckle echoed down the hall.

"Oh Madeline, when will you give up these foolish games of yours?" She ran off before I could finish, leaving behind nothing but her pride.