21: Ithalia

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Huminga muna ako ng malalim bago ko pinindot ang passcode para mabuksan ang unit. I can use key pero hindi ko na alam kung saan ko nilagay iyon. I can still remember the pattern ng numbers na ako mismo ang nag-isip para sa condo unit ko. It was Zaki's name. Katulad ng mga touchpad na every number, there are corresponding letters. So the passcode is 9254. Zaki. Tumunog ito at itinulak ko ang pinto pabukas.

Dahan-dahan akong pumasok and color mint green and white room welcomed me. Hindi ko namalayan na may tumulong luha sa mga mata ko. Just like the feeling I've felt when I entered our house a while ago, halo-halong emosyon ang nararamdaman ko. But I don't know the reason behind this time.

Ano bang meron sa condo na ito?

And then I remembered the time na may bigla akong naalala when I was talking with Jyeo's four gorgeous friends before. I saw myself in an open field, raining, and it was night. Naka-piring ako, I was with someone telling me na nasa part na kami ng training where I can't use my eyes, just my ears. Pakiramdaman ko raw ng mabuti ang nasa paligid ko. Nagsimula na kaming maglaban kahit nakapiring ako. When we were done, we hugged each other and gave me a present. It was a key. A key to this condo unit. Iyon lang ang naalala ko about him. Why are we even having a training? Anong meron?

Sobrang saya ko that time kasi may condo na ako. My parents didn't want to buy me one, noong nag 18 ako, kasi may bahay naman daw kami at ayaw nilang lumayo ako sa kanila. Kahit nga sa pagtulog ay gusto nilang katabi ako. Kaya dati pinangarap ko na magkaroon ako ng kapatid para man lang maibaling ang atensyon nila sa kapatid ko at hindi sa akin. Ginagawa kasi nila akong baby araw-araw. Pero hindi ko alam na maaga din pala silang kukunin sa akin, as if they did those things kasi gusto nilang iparamdam sa akin na hanggat nandiyan pa sila they want to pour their greatest love on me. Gusto nilang iparamdam na hanggat nabubuhay pa sila hinding-hindi sila magkukulang. And now I already miss those things. Hindi rin pala nila alam na may condo ako na bigay ni Zaki, I kept it as a secret. Dalawang beses lang din kasi ako pumupunta dito sa isang linggo.

The room is clean, I wonder why. Ilang months din akong hindi nakapunta dito but it's still clean. Kompleto pa rin ang gamit, simula sa flat screen TV sa sala at mga sofas, pati sa kusina lahat ay kompleto.

I opened the door ng kwarto dito sa loob. For sure this is my room. It wasn't locked. Ganon pa rin ang kulay, mint green pa rin at lahat ng gamit ay puti, mula sa kama hanggang sa side table at iilang mga single sofas at carpet. Kung gaano kalinis sa sala ay ganito rin kalinis sa kwarto.

I sat on the bed. Inilibot ko ulit ang tingin sa kabuoan ng kwarto. Nahinto ang mga mata ko sa picture frames na nasa side table.

Lumapit ako doon at kinuha ang frame. It's a family picture taken when I was in my younger years with Mama and Dada, we are all wearing these fairy themed costumes. I think it was my 7th birthday that time.

Napangiti ako. That was one of the happiest days of my life with them.

Kinuha ko naman ang second frame na nasa ibabaw din ng table. I was wearing a red off shoulder long gown. I was with a man in a lit, full of mint green and pink roses place. It was Zaki wearing a tuxedo. It was a candid shot. I and him were laughing while facing each other in this picture.

Kailan 'to? Why were we together in this kind of place? So romantic.

Napa-tingin naman ako sa baba ng picture, dahil may date and time na nakalagay doon. 02/15/15 12:05 AM.

February 15, 2015. So it was taken 3 years ago. I am 21 years old now, so I was 18 years old when this happened. Tama! February 15 is my birthday.

"Anong event before this happened?" tanong ko sa sarili ko. Pilit kong inaalala pero hindi ko pa rin maalala. Hindi naman siguro ganito ako kaexcited para magsuot ng gown for my birthday party dahil debut ko. For Pete's sake it was just 12:05 AM!

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