Misguided

8. Teared feelings

I slept with him AGAIN!? This was not supposed to happen! I betrayed Loki. All Loki did was treat me nicely and how do I treat him? Sleep with his brother! I can't believe I did it again. All it took was one kiss and my panties were already on the floor and I wanted it. Worst part is, I wasn't even drunk or anything, so I remember it all.
I can't stay here, I need to leave before he wakes up. I lift the cover and try to slide away from the bed. Thor mumbles something and I freeze. Did I wake him? He turn on his stomach and wraps his arm around me. His face is about an inch away from mine, but he doesn't open his eyes. Is he still asleep? I wait a second, but nothing happens. He's still asleep.
I need to figure out a way to leave without waking him up. I try to lift his hand, but he only pulls me closer. I slide under the arm slowly, not making any noice. Luckily he turns on his other side and I'm free. I get up from the bed and dress up. Trying to find my undergarment was hard, but I finally found it. I look at Thor one last time before I closed the door.
I can't believe I did the exact same thing as last time. I feel really embarrassed about everything in this situation. Sleeping with him to leaving him again. I take a deep breath and leave the castle.

I arrive home and immediately go look if my mother was okay. She was asleep. I felt like I hadn't taken good care of her this whole week. I was just running around the town and not done any of my chores. I start to clean up the house. The whole time I really couldn't pay attention on anything, my thoughts took over. I thought about everything that had happened and how I had lost Loki in the way. I probably couldn't even look him in the eyes, because I was in so much regret. I couldn't lie to him and I couldn't tell him the truth either. And what will Thor think when he sees I have left again? I feel safe around him, but I keep leaving. Should I have stayed? I can't deny I have at least some feelings for him, but I keep pushing him away. The more I think about my feelings during the night, the more I'm convinced of having feelings for Thor. I remember wanting him so close, I remember the passion and the feeling of being wanted. What if I was wrong about Loki and I should have stayed with Thor?

I was going to make some food, but noticed we didn't have much. I need to go to the market. I take my coat and leave outside.
It wasn't as cold as I expected it to be. I walk up to the marketplace to purchase some vegetables. I managed to buy bread, tomatoes and carrots, before the beautiful flowers distracted me. I know I shouldn't buy any flowers, because they are going to die anyway and I don't have the money for it. I just want to admire their beauty and smell the lovely scent.
I pick up a sunflower and smell it. "One sunflower for the pretty lady." I lift my head towards the speaker. At first I don't recognize, but then I realize it's the boy Loki was changed into when we met. So it's really Loki. I blush and try to talk him out from buying the flower, but he insisted. After paying he says "Take my hand." I hesitated, but realized I couldn't avoid him forever. I place my hand in his and we start walking towards the forest.
I feel this awful pressure inside that is burning my guts. I want to tell him, but I can't. He kept talking about the weather and how beautiful he thought I looked. He stops as we have gotten away from the marketplace and people. "So, I never got your name." I look at him confused. He has said before my name was beautiful, but  now he has forgotten it? I was just about to ask if he was kidding, but I hear running steps coming closer. I turn my head just in time to see identical boy to the one in front of me pushing over him. My mouth stays open as the attacker grabs my hand and starts running. I look behind seeing the other boy on the ground looking at us running away. What is happening? I'm so confused. Where is he taking me. I'm am not moving a inch before I get an explanation. I again stump my feet on the ground, yanking him towards me ready to punch him. He dodges just in time, but can't keep his balance and falls on top of me taking me down with him. I hit my head on something hard, probably a rock. Everything starts to go black. I hear a faint "Caitlin. I'm so sorry! Caitlin! Stay with me." -as I slowly blackout.

My head hurts... I touch the back of my head and feel that I have been bandaged up. I lift my head and look around where I was. A small wooden cottage. I lift my upper body and realized I was on top of a bed. I wince as I notice Loki standing at the end of the bed. He looks at me worried rubbing his neck in guilt. "What happened?" I ask even though I remembered. I just wanted him to explain everything. "I thought he would never meet you." Loki comes sit on the edge of the bed. "It wasn't you who bought me the sunflower?" He nods and continues. "I can't just turn myself into anyone, I have to be a copy of someone else. And you happened to meet the real person behind my disguise." So that's why he asked my name. It wasn't Loki, it was just some random boy. "I tried to hit you again and you fell on top of me." I say quietly as I remember what happened. He chuckles "I apologise for being the reason you fell down and hit your head."
I get up to sit on the bed. "What is this place?" I notice Loki had lighted up the fireplace and it was glowing warmth and light in the room. "This is a cabin I built to escape from my worries. No one knows this exists except me." I smile and look at him "And now me... Wait I'm the only one who you have brought here?" Loki nods and I can't, but ask why. "You have been the only person who's worthy to be here. I wasn't going to show you this place yet, but after you fainted I couldn't think of any other place to take you." He gives me a smile and I can't but hug him tightly. He's taken by surprise a little bit, but he wraps his arms around me. He made me feel special and unique, it was the most wonderful feeling.
His cool breath brushes over my neck, giving me shivers. His lips were so close to touching my neck. It started to get harder and harder to breath for me. My head is buried in his chest and I try to cool my thoughts. The only thing I could think of was us sleeping together.
His lips gently touch my bare shoulder, testing the waters. I lift my head from his chest and he stops. "I'm sor-" - was all he managed to say as I crashed my lips into his.