HISTE Companion Book

~ Medical Mumbo Jumbo ~

Alright, so in the 6th Chapter of HISTE, called "Trust Ze Doctah", Dr. Schneeplestein preforms a surgery, and there was kind of a lot of medical crap tossed in there.

I want to start by explaining where I was in my life when I wrote this chapter. I was three months out of college, and two months into my new job, just out of training. I'm a Veterinary Assistant, which is basically an animal nurse. I was really excited about my job at that point (I still like my job, it's just almost a year in and I'm a lot more settled... plus I was actually going into surgeries during school and even a few times during training, and I don't really do that anymore. It's not really part of my job, the Vet Techs go into the surgeries at the hospital I work at.)

So is all of the medical stuff accurate? No... probably not. I'm not a doctor, or a nurse, or even a veterinarian. I have a very basic understanding of surgeries, and I've witnessed and monitored ANIMAL patients through a few surgeries... that's it. Luckily for me... Dr. Schneeplestein isn't very by the book, so I had a lot of wiggle room. 

Even so... I got a little... over zealous when I wrote that chapter, and I just want to run down some of the medical terminology and themes that I wrote in there, for anyone who is completely lost when it comes to the medical world.

[ He leaned over, checking the package to make sure they hadn't accidentally gotten larger sized blades, but they were the same ones he always used. ]
For anyone who doesn't know (in veterinary medicine anyway, human medicine could be different), because cutting wears down the blade which could increase pain, increase damage caused and be less accurate... a new blade is used for every surgery, and in really long complicated surgeries, they might even change the blade. So scalpel blades come in sterile packages, and are attached to the scalpel handle. In our line of work, the technician typically opens the package and dumps the blade onto the tray and the doctor attaches it to the handle.
Dr. Schneeplestein works alone in his surgery suite though... so he had the package with him. Also things in his O.R. (Operating Room) probably aren't as sterile as they should be...
Scalpel blades also come in different sizes.
This is also how Dr. Schneep is able to disconnect the blade from the handle later, to just use the blade ...
[ He smirked, disconnecting the blade from the scalpel handle and carried it back towards the patient.]

Mayo Tray - I realized, reading back through the story that people might not know what a mayo tray is. It's just a little stainless steel tray table on wheels that is used to hold instruments during a surgery. Just google image search "medical mayo tray" or "medical mayo table". Nothing super special.

[ ...grabbed a packet of sterile thread, carrying it back with him. He struggled a moment to open the packet and held the hook like needle over his head in triumph before climbing up the patient again. ]
Like the scalpel blades, surgical thread comes in little sterile packets, and the thread comes with a needle pre-attached.  I personally think the needle looks like a fish hook, except without a barb obviously. It wasn't what I was expecting at all before I saw it. :P

Just a note... I think liver surgery is a lot more complicated and dangerous than I made it seem. I really doubt you could just cut the tumour off with a scalpel blade and have everything be fine. XD But shhh... it's just a story!

[ Dr. Schneeplestein grabbed the hook again and leapt to the other side of the hole, jabbing the hook through on that side and then backed up, pulling the pieces of skin together. ]
Stitching up skin seems to work a lot like sewing. When I was in school, a vet I was watching do surgery actually said, "This is like a magic trick, watch this!", and proceeded to loop back and forth, and then made a sound like a zipper as they pulled it tight, and the opening closed. XD It was a good day.
That being said, I over simplified this a lot for story convenience. He probably would have had to stitch the liver? But he definitely would have had to close the muscle layer before the skin, but I just kind of... jumped over that part.

[Dr. Schneeplestein grunted, walking back across the table and jumped, grabbing onto the switch on the anesthetic machine to turn off the iso. ]
First of all, iso stands for isoflurane, which is the anesthetic drug we use. I'm literally not sure if they even use it on humans, but I'm too lazy to look it up at this point. I was just so used to calling it iso that I didn't really consider whether it was used on humans or that other people probably wouldn't know what that was. >.>
I've never directly worked the anesthetic machine, that's a Tech thing, but I do know that as the surgery ends, they turn off the iso first, and leave the oxygen on for a little while until they're sure that the patient is awake enough to breath on their own properly.
Fun note, we don't use masks during surgery, we use tubes which go directly into the wind pipe... but I took a clue from Surgeon Simulator of all things, and decided to say the guy had a mask on, because that's probably a thing that's more common in human surgeries. Also, I remembered that a mask had been used to put me under for my dental surgery. ;)

So that's basically it. The run down of Dr. Schneeplestein's surgery! Also, a real doctor (a proper one anyway), would never do surgery alone. They would have a team. You have someone dedicated to anesthetic, and nursing staff to assist the surgeon. We always have at least two people in our surgeries, the vet and a tech. Him working alone is just a testament to how sketchy of a doctor that Schneeplestein is. :P

Bonus!
The tiny germs comment. I literally have no idea if shrinking dangerous bacteria on your skin would make it safe, and honestly Dr. Schneeplestein didn't either. He was just taking a guess. The bacteria definitely would have shrunk down, since the bacteria inside their bodies would have had to shrink down for them to survive, and it only makes sense the ones on their skin did too. The question would be whether or not the tiny bacteria could interact with or effect a full sized person. Shrunken bacteria has never been studied to my knowledge so... who knows! Henry could have died from a tiny infection! :D