Life's for the Living

9. London Faye:

I had another nightmare last night. We were lost in the middle of London but we didn't know where we were, where our parents were or where anyone was. We were calling out for help, talking to anyone, trying to get their attention but they acted as if we weren't even there. As the thick, daunting, clouds rolled in and I felt the first icy raindrops splash onto my forehead I knew that we weren't going to find a way home.

We started to panic as night threatened to tear closer and blind us completely; we were drenched by the rain and lost in the bustling, shadowy, streets of London. All I wished for was that my dad would come and take me home to a safe, warm, dry, house. I could see Tea was thinking the same thing. We were just so exhausted and hopelessly lost.

All of a sudden, two of the passing cars ground to a halt next to us. Out of the first car stepped my dad and another woman stepped out of the second car, I guessed this was Tea's mum. Then we all stared at each other in silence with puzzled expressions on our faces. Dad grabbed me and started to pull me away from Tea. I managed to wrestle myself free, I looked up at his face, about to ask him why he suddenly grabbed me like that but i saw his eyes were fixed on Tea. He was walking slowly towards her; he stopped and turned to the other woman, Tea's mum. Dad and the woman stared at each other for a second and then the woman exclaimed my name and dad exclaimed Tea's at the same time. They both grabbed us and bustled us into separate cars and we were gone, then I woke up.

I have been seeing the words Sacred Hearts a lot lately, I am definitely going mad. I wish the madness would hurry up and get in with it, instead, it decided to take over my body bit by bit, as if it is trying to make me suffer before tear myself apart. So I can realise I'm dying and suffer pain and worry first. I'm scared too, scared of not knowing, I don't know what's real anymore and I can't get to sleep at night. I am too busy worrying if I will make it through the night and what dad and Emily are going to tell Toby if I die. I'm getting panic attacks at school and I just want this all to stop. Now.

I'm scared, I have more to live for yet, I can't die now. I can't concentrate in class because I am forever day dreaming and if I do try to forget and get on with my work, I can't, because the words Sacred Hearts keep repeating themselves over and over again, all over my work. I couldn't concentrate if I tried. My grades are slipping, fast, dad and Emily are asking questions. So is Toby come to think of it. I'm getting worried about how much Toby actually does know, he keeps going round the house with a notepad writing down any observations and clues he can find. He thinks he is Sherlock Holmes.

One of the teachers at school asked me a question yesterday and I wasn't really listening so I panicked and blurted out "Sacred Hearts!". I immediately went red as I realised what I had just said. The teacher told me off and asked me to concentrate next time or I would be coming back after school to catch up. It seems like everyone was laughing and I hung my head in shame. So much for a new start. It's just so scary and I don't know what I can do.