LOVER

you're my tear

Your keys fell to the ground as you neared your apartment door hurriedly. You let out a sharp curse, a harsh whisper cascading from your thin lips as you bent down to pick up the fallen object. You sighed as you straightened your lanky body, your tired eyes idly checking if there were any mails on your letterbox. You squinted, a small, fawn and rectangular package hid at the back of it. Curiously, you opened the crate and took the object out. While opening your front door, you read the sender as you placed your bag on the counter beside the lobby.

For Karlie.

You could recognize that calligraphy everywhere, and maybe that was why your breathing turned so unstable, your legs were a little weaker and your eyes a little more awake than before. With the package that now held the weight of a relationship you had failed at, you sat on a stool beside the marble countertop, your eyes never leaving those two words that had made a deep cut on your heart just a few moments ago.

With trembling hands, you ripped the adhesive tape and unveiled the mysterious content that was underneath the fawn paper; a creased and folded piece of paper that held a lot of words and a CD with a white and emotionless cover. You placed the two objects on top of the countertop, pressing the palm of your hands against your forehead as you stared at them incredulous. What was hidden inside of them? Were you ready to read and hear what was printed inside of them? 

You felt like the world had just dropped a huge piano on your back, and something inside of you told you the answers to these questions. No, you were not ready, but you needed to know what they were hiding. You needed to know what your ex-girlfriend wanted to tell you. Although you've heard the happy part of your relationship almost a year ago, you just knew this was going to be the sad part. The one that would make you cry your eyes out and feel guilty until you drowned within your feelings of hurt and heartbreak. And although you didn't want to hear it because it was going to make you suffer, you needed to do it.

So you got up,

picked a glass from a cabinet and poured some alcohol inside of it. 

You let the burning sensation of Vodka swallow your crippling fear, sitting once again beside the two objects after having picked your laptop and your headphones. A shaky breath, and then you opened the creased piece of paper with sheer determination. The amount of words filling such a small space surprised you, but words were Taylor's thing. She made a living out of it. After taking a deep breath, you read the first phrase.

Karlie,

This might be unexpected, to hear from me after so long. To hear from your ex-girlfriend when you've already got someone else to marry. Someone else to love, to kiss, to hold. Someone else who loves you, who kisses you, who holds you. It was unexpected even for me, since I never keep in touch with my ex lovers. But you are the first exception, because you are not just my ex-girlfriend to me. You were my great and true love, my one and only, my partner in crime. But first of all, you were my best friend. You were the one who held me during my darkest days. You were the one who kissed the pain away. You were the one who taught me how to love myself, how to be confident and how to appreciate my body. You were the one who wiped the tears from my cheeks. The one who stayed up all night just to cheer me up. The one who would fight everything and everyone, if it meant protecting me. 

You stopped reading, the lump in your throat had become unbearable. It was harder than you thought, as you placed your forehead against the cold marble while tears streamed down your face. But you needed to do this. If Taylor had been able to write this long letter for you, you would be able to read it and at least appreciate her effort. 

So you lifted your face,

and kept reading with your lips slightly parted.

When we broke off our relationship, I had been so angry at myself. For letting you go this way. For letting heartbreak make its way into your beautiful heart. For giving up on us. I was supposed to fight for us. I was supposed to make you stay, to promise you that everything would have been better. But I failed. I failed you and I failed us. I lost the most precious thing on earth and I can't even get it back because you will slip away from my grasp in just a matter of months. And I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not giving you enough of my love. I'm sorry for not having tried enough. I'm sorry for the way things had to end. I'm sorry for all the pain and heartbreak I caused you along these past years. I'm sorry. For everything that I have and haven't done. I'm sorry.

Since you were and still are a special person to me, I wrote this letter not because I'm a coward and don't want to see you. On the contrary, if I could see you just one last time, look into your eyes and get lost in those beautiful and mesmerizing green eyes of yours, I would do it. I would see you again. But it hurts too much. It hurts too much to see someone you long for and know that you won't see them again if not on the internet. 

I wanted to give you this letter because I wanted to tell you the things I hadn't been able to utter when we last saw each other almost a year and a half ago. I wanted this to be my last words to you. My last goodbye. And writing songs is what I do best, so I wrote you some tracks that I burned on the CD that came along with this letter. 

I'm not excpecting you to reply to me. I'm not excpecting something in return. I just want you to have a happy life, and if marrying Josh is what makes you happy, then go for it. I'm sure he knows he's a lucky guy and he's got everything that I've ever wanted.

(Some marks that looked like dried tears had stained the last paragraph, but you tried to ignore them.)

If you read all of this, thank you for listening. Know that I love you and that you will always have my heart, even though yours is someone else's now.

Love,

Taylor

You put down the piece of paper that had just broken your heart and didn't stop the tears from flowing out of your emerald eyes. You cried when you read the letter for the millionth time and you cried when you put on the CD on your laptop. You cried when you heard Taylor's broken voice fill your kitchen and you cried even more when, at the end of track five, as the last note of the piano gave space to a deafening silence, you heard the singer's faint weep and whimpers.

Taylor had burned your heart with simple yet impressive words, and the worst part about it all was that she didn't even leave the ashes behind her path.