The Secret Admirer Next Door (Love Next Door Series Book 1) *Editing*

Chapter 31

Abe gave the living room the once over, his vision went to each of his sons. Each content watching A Christmas Story, two empty pizza boxes and the coffee table, laughing, smiling content. He'd almost wished he could have stayed longer, but he had something planned for tonight.

He placed a hand on his oldest shoulder before he left the room. "I'll be back a little later." He whispered. He looked up at him with a sadness in his his eyes. Abe smiled reassuringly. "I'll be back."

He made his way to his room, took a hot shower. His fingers brushed against his shirts. He pulled out his favorite blue dress shirt.

Abe didn't like the idea of wasting money. It was a shirt like his other shirts he wore to church, but this one had silk in it. It is what those fancy pants business men wore.

 

"You can't just go into a bank asking for money looking like hooligan, Abe." She brushed off some lint that he didn't see, but maybe she did or was brushing out some unseen wrinkles.

 

"So, for them to give me money, I have to look like I don't need it. That sounds...honest." He studied himself in the mirror brushing his fingers through his clean shaved face.

 

Her laughter made his heart tremble and her smile lit up his entire world. "My honest Abe." She pushed his cheeks together causing his lips to pucker and kissed him gingerly on the lips.

He studied pulled the shirt. He reached into the back of his closet for the iron. A hanger caught his hand causing a hanger to topple to the ground with a loud clank. He looked down and noticed his leather black and white striped jacket. When his outfit was put together, he stared at himself contently in the mirror.

He walked down the stairs looking over into the living room. All of them were asleep. If they would have been kids he would have carried each of them to their bedroom and tucked them in, but this time he'd he left them. His back wasn't what it used to be, and the kids were adults now.

He walked into the kitchen for his keys, and then his banquet of Christmas flowers from the table but this time he went through the entrance to the garage. He pulled himself into the driver seat of the his midnight blue mustang. The seats molded to him as he cranked her up she purred to life. She moved like the breeze up the street. He'd almost had to catch his breath when he'd realized he was already at the grave yard.

His eyes trailed through the head stones. The Vincentville cemetery was pretty big, he was overwhelmed when he first walked through the gates. Guilt flooded him again. It had been too long since he had been here. He struggled to remember the path toward his wife's grave, as he approached a fork in the road he'd remembered and there was a draw pulling him. He almost wanted to believe that she was expecting him.

That was when he'd seen the big head stone and white poinsettias sitting in front of it. He had neglected her grave, but someone hadn't. He squatted down, noticing three dingy white envelopes that had weathered for what looked like quite a few days. The different hand writing of 'mom' let him know the writers were different. Guilt stabbed him straight in his heart. He placed them carefully over the flower pot and arranged his flowers in the small vase he'd put there. He'd made a promise to himself that he would always make sure she had fresh flowers at her grave, but he had abandoned her like he abandoned his sons.

He sat down and let his head fall to the soil on the ground. "I'm so sorry, Liv. I hope you don't think this means I never think about you, I do...or this means in anyway, I love her more." He blew out a white cloud of breath resting his hand on the patch of thin grass. "I'm glad the boys come, and I promise I'll come more...with them." His eyes burned, "And if you don't want me to go through with this, Liv I won't..." He trailed off, "I've never replaced you. I carry you with me, Liv. I see you in the boys." A tear strayed down his cheek, "Everything good about them, is from you, Liv. Just like every good thing about me, is because of you." He rubbed his hand across the thinning grass again. "Tell me I shouldn't do this. Tell me I'm too old to be replacing you. Tell me that my focus needs to be on my family, and not a ridiculous crush." He knew it was more than that. He knew it was real, he felt the pull just like he felt with Liv, He looked at her grave, "Tell me something Liv." He looked at the head stone laughing at himself silently for expecting an answer at all.