Perfect Lie - Yoonmin

5. Lost in Thoughts

'I think we can leave the subject for tonight, you've had enough emotions for a week now'.

Yoongi lets his arms drop along his side so that I can look him in the eyes again. I don't say anything, but I hope that the look on my face speaks for itself. The amount of relieve that's spreading through me now that he said that we can leave here tonight, is enormous.

'However, I do want to talk to you tomorrow. We can't leave it like this.' He says in a more serious tone. 'And you know that', he adds after a second.

I quietly nod: I do know. It's just that I don't want to know. But even saying that I don't want to feels like the wrong thing to say, because I do want to. I know I need help. I know I shouldn't have to have food on my mind 24/7, that I don't need to be happy when I see the scale drop further down the underweight spectrum which I'm already at, and I don't need to count every single calorie which enters my mouth. But I can't. I just can't.

'Speaking of tomorrow', Yoongi starts, as he grabs something out of his bag. 'Didn't you have an assignment that is due tomorrow?' He holds up a couple of pieces of paper; the ones I must have left when I hurried out of the cafe.

A groan leaves my mouth. Totally forgot about that, due to all the... circumstances.

As if he can read my thoughts, he grabs a pen and puts it behind his ear. 'Not that it matters to me of course, but knowing that you'd fail otherwise, I can be a kind person for once and offer you some more of my genius insights.' He holds his nose high and closes his eyes, as if he doesn't have a care in the world. And I'm so thankful for that: that he doesn't press further on the subject that's still lurking in the background.

The mood is immediately lifted. I grab the papers out of his hand and slap his face with them (even though it has little impact since I hadn't bothered rolling them up so they only caress his face).

'Let's do this, your highness', and I drag him towards my desk.

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'I still don't fully understand it, Jimin'.

Yoongi sits on the bed, whilst I've grabbed my desk chair and try to explain the role of theater in the 20th century to him. He has been all-ear to my explanation for the last ten minutes, but I'm not sure if the nodding actually meant that he understood what I was saying, or if he just pretended he did. But those words quickly told me it was the latter.

'Didn't you tell me you were an all-knowing genius a couple of minutes ago?' I grin at him.

'Me not knowing the exact movements required for capturing a 1940's theater audience does not lessen my genius-status in any way!' He declares in a highly voice, not giving in just yet.

'It doesn't? You should ask my teacher about that, he'll give you a 30-minute TED-Talk on the importance of a single musical note if you give him a chance!

'See, those are my kind of people, I can do much more with music than your weird-ass dance moves theories', Yoongi replies and he stretches his legs out in front of him, as he's been sitting in a cross-legged position for the last minute or so.

'Then what do you study, something with music? Or are you not going to school anymore?' I realise that I've never even asked him that. To be honest, I haven't really gotten the opportunity to get to know Yoongi at all. This afternoon would've been the perfect occasion for that, but that didn't go exactly all to plan...

'I'm saving up to go to arts school, where I'll study music', Yoongi says with a proud smile on his face. 'Until then, I'm trying to do some stuff in my free time', he adds.

'Cool! That seems like exactly a thing for you!' I exclaim. 'But does bartending earn enough to get you there? I heard that a degree in music is quite expensive', I ask hesitant.

'Yeah not really, that's why I write songs in my free time, which I then try and sell to people who are interested. It's not much, but I'm getting there!' A confident smile paints his face. It really suits him.

My mouth falls open in amazement! 'You're a song-writer? That's like one of the most awesome jobs ever!'

Yoongi awkwardly rubs the back of his head. 'Ah well, yeah, I guess it's kind of cool. But honestly, I mostly do it because it takes my mind off the struggles of daily life, because life can be so exhausting', he adds with a humble undertone, but I can see the passion he has for the job. And I can totally understand. Whenever I'm really stressed out and life feels like it's all crumbling down around me, dancing is the only thing that empties my brain and makes the day somewhat bearable.

'If you don't mind, can I maybe hear something?' I ask, not sure if it's an inappropriate thing to ask. Music can be really personal and I haven't known Yoongi for that long yet. For a moment, Yoongi seems to start shaking his head, but something in his expression changes.

'Sure, I mean, why not', and he grabs his phone out of the pocket of his denim jacket and scrolls through what seems like a playlist.

'This is a song I wrote last night, sung by one of my friends. I'd love to hear your opinion on it, since you'll be the first one who listens to the final product'.

A soft piano tone starts filling the room and at the same time, fills my heart. Yoongi looks down at his phone, where the song continues to play, but I close my eyes and let the music take control over me.

The voice of a boy now starts complimenting the piano notes, followed by a soft base. It relaxes, but at the same time motivates to move on, to grow.

Before I can fully realise it, I'm no longer in my chair and am up on my feet. The music has taken over my body as I no longer am able to control my arms and legs. In my head I hear nothing but the heartbeat of the song, ringing through every vein of my body. My muscles relax and tighten in time with the beat, as I swing through my not too large room.

I'm placed back into reality slightly when I hear Yoongi take a deep breath, but I keep my eyes closed, desperate to keep this state of relaxation in me. This is what I really needed on such a tense evening. But now that I've been reminded of Yoongi's present, I can't help but feel slightly more nervous about my moves. I take one step, and another, and another, my hands trail behind me as I throw my head back, and another, and... My bare foot suddenly no longer touches the carpet floor of my room, but meets the hard surface of something. My eyes fly open as I can feel the surface under me slip away. Damn, I really shouldn't be throwing my books on the floor. But it's too late now, as I take flight (in a not so gracious manner as I would've hoped). 

I try to stop myself from landing on the bed, but I can't place my hands in front of me since Yoongi is sitting there. Yoongi, whose gaze seemed slightly misted, now is brought back to reality and leans back on the bed to avoid crashing into me, but it's too late. With a clashing sound, I land on him. Luckily I miss his head and my hands are able to find their ways around his head. We manage to both barely touch each other during the collision, but this results in him lying on his back on the bed, whilst I hover above him, neither of us speaking.