Coffee, Brownies and the Ruthless CEO (MxM)| FILLING THE VOID series, BOOK 1

39. Chapter - Devastated

OLIVER' s POV

It was over.

I knew it the moment Joshua's expression changed after I told him what happened. The light in his eyes vanished, and his whole face turned into this sour expression that told me everything I needed to know. And if that wasn't enough to go by, his next words and the way he left confirmed my darkest fears.

"I need fresh air," he said, not sparing me a glance as he made his way out the door. He didn't even bother to take his mobile phone or wallet, as both lay on the table in front of me. He just up and left, leaving me in a dark lit room all alone with my depressing thoughts.

And as much as I wanted to yell at him to come back, I couldn't. I felt partly responsible for the situation. I should have been more careful around Victor. I knew him. The fact I wasn't even surprised he did it spoke for itself. Yes, I was shocked, but his actions didn't surprise me at all when I thought about it afterwards. He was that kind of a person, after all.

Lying down and curling up on the sofa, I closed my eyes in hopes I would manage to fall asleep and forget everything. But it made everything worse. The moment I closed my eyes, all I saw was Joshua's face. My head was full of him, full of pictures of all the happy moments we had spent together, the stupid quarrels we had in past or the days we spent lazing around like a couple that had been married for years.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, I turned to lie on my back and opened my eyes to get rid of all the pictures. I knew I was being stupid and irrational. He just went out. He left all of his things inside the house, which meant he had to come back eventually. But I couldn't get rid of the sinking feeling in my stomach. And as if it wasn't enough, I remembered my conversation with Victor all those days ago, about why he cheated on me and about insecurities and doubts, and my emotions turned into even more of a mess. Could being kissed by your ex be considered a betrayal of trust leading to insecurities and doubts? Thinking about it, I couldn't really come up with the right answer. Every person was different and had different priorities and limits. But I knew one thing for sure. If I was in Joshua's shoes, I would be mad. I couldn't tell whether I would be mad at him or at his ex-boyfriend, but the dark emotions of jealousy would be there either way. It might be because of my past experience with Victor, or I was simply too weak. But I couldn't help it. Just the thought of him being kissed by someone else made me tremble in disgust and anger.

Still, speculating over Josh's feelings was pointless. He went away without really saying anything, and I was left here with my feelings of guilt and fear of what this would do to our relationship. All I could do was wait.

Which was hell.

***

It had to be hours since Josh left. Or at least that was how it felt to me. I wasn't sure if I managed to fall asleep for several minutes here and there, or if I was so out of it the reality just faded away, but it didn't really matter. Based on the darkness in the room, it was still middle of the night, and I was glad for it. It meant Matt was still sound asleep, probably dreaming something nice and fluffy. He didn't need to deal with an emotionally unstable parent first thing in the morning.

A new wave of tears gathered in my eyes. I couldn't imagine what I would tell Matthias if Josh really left for good. He was a constant part of his life for a long time now. If the worst would be to come, my feelings would be the last thing to think about. As much as I always admired how smart Matty was despite his young age, I wasn't sure how he would perceive this. Relationship problems were still one big unknown for him.

Wiping the tears away and trying my hardest to calm down, a sudden noise caught my attention. I couldn't tell whether it was all in my head or not, but I was sure I heard keys rattling in the hallway. It took me a while to react as I was slowed down after the whole night of lamenting and lying around. I sat up, confusion clouding my mind for a bit. Matty was sound asleep, and I couldn't think of anyone wanting to come over this late. The only other people who had the keys for this house were my parents and my brother, and I doubted it was either of them. It was middle of the night; no one in their right mind would come over.