𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙚𝙙 - e.d. [ completed ]

PLEASE READ

hi guys. i wanna be honest here because i've had this account for literally years and even before that i had a different acc for like four years and i'm really proud of this one.

i've been thinking about this a lot lately and i've just been so stumped and stressed about it because i really love reading and writing and talking with you guys and seeing you guys relating to my books, especially books that refer to a certain topics and fandoms because i see people relating to it and coming together.

but it's just i've lately grown out of the dolan twins fandom, not in the sense that i don't love them anymore but it's just not something i feel like writing about anymore. i want to try and finish the dolan twins books i have published and have not finished yet, but i'm just not finding the interest to do it. and it really breaks my heart because i see so many comments on a daily basis telling me to update and loving the stories but i just can't seem to.

and i really, REALLY, don't want to delete any books.

part of the reason why i don't want to delete them because i see the reads that my books are getting and although it might not be many, it means a lot to me when my books get read, especially when people actually like my writing.

i don't want to sound conceited or anything. believe me, i'm not the type of person to gloat or boast about my anything either. it's just on my previous account that i had, i tried really hard to get reads (even if it sounds really bad, but i did) and it just wasn't working. so i deleted the account, deleted my books, and quit writing for like a year because i felt like my writing was shit and that that was why nobody was reading any of my books. it really made me insecure so i quit. but not writing was really killing me, because i just had so many ideas and things i wanted to write about. i was just so hesitant because i was afraid of failing again. but i had to overcome it so i started a new account and just wrote whatever the fuck i wanted and when i stopped trying so hard, everything worked out. people started to read my books and actually like it. that literally mean the world to me and it still does. this account is my only outlet where i can truly express and be myself and write about the things i like. it sounds a bit melodramatic and stupid but it's the honest truth.

so now that i have this account where i actually accomplished something, i don't want to delete anything.

but one of the reasons why i don't want to delete anything is also because i see people actually enjoying reading my writing (may it be average or not) and i don't want to disappoint anyone. especially once i've seen what writing on topics like depression and anxiety and such disorders (which are the topics i usually go to because i feel that these are the topics i'm closest to and have most experience writing in since i've actually dealt with a lot personally) can do - it brings people together, let's them find people who have had or are still dealing with the same problems and find comfort in those same people. and writing about it actually allows me to help people, which i want to achieve trough my writing.

to be honest i don't really think or believe my writing is that good. i don't want to put myself down or make you think i'm just fishing for compliments (because this whole thing is anything but) but compared to other great authors out there i'm pretty average. so feeling like just deleting everything and quiting again is something that happens to me a lot. it's still something i have evolve in and work on to be proud off it and it's also an on-going insecurity i have to overcome. and if my writing somehow helps anyone even if just a little bit i want to continue doing that, without deleting any unfinished books.

i'm really sorry but i don't know what to do. i don't know if i should just discontinue books or delete them or just switch to a different account and start all over again, since i've literally taken interest in a whole new different world of fan fictions.

i know literally 90% of my followers are in the dolan twins fandom and i don't want to annoy anyone by publishing works that don't relate to that, specifically speaking, relating to bts since i'm passionate about writing about that now.

i'm really stressed about that and i don't want to disappointment anyone so i need you guys' help.

what should i do?

also a disclaimer: i don't want to disappoint anyone or any fandom, i'm just asking because i want to publish works that my followers will actually enjoy reading. i'm only trying to satisfy you guys and not disappoint anyone, all while thinking about what i want to write about. it's all just really stressing me out.

i'm sorry if you think this isn't such a major problem but to me its really big since this is literally the only accomplishment in my life, even if i'm not a big account at all.

please reply in the comments if you have any advice, doesn't matter what kind, anything will help. anything you want to say just do it.

thank you for reading so far along, if you have.

love you.

- eva