Make a Joke of It All - A One Direction Love Story

You Know I'm No Good

Through this chapter (and likely others after), there might be some italicized words. Just an FYI, that's Kate's conscience. She has one, you know. And I just thought it'd be nice to give a heads up. Thanks for reading! :)

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I cheated myself like I knew I would

I told you I was trouble, you know that I'm no good

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Zayn's eyes stared back into mine. His seemed far off in some sort of daze. I had never seen anyone look like this before. His eyes looked broken. He was dressed in black, a twin to my cold heart.

I couldn't believe Zayn was standing in front of me after all this time. It had been months and yet I still hadn't prepared myself for his visit. I knew he'd come. I could lie to Sherry but I couldn't lie to myself. He cared about me and this unborn child, even if it wasn't his.

"Zayn," I gulped. "Zayn, hi. What-what're you doing here?" I leaned against the molding.

"Kate, I really need to talk to you. Can I come in?" he said.

"I don't think now is such a good time, Zayn. I have company."

His eyes flared. "It isn't him, is it?" I knew who he was talking about.

"No, Harry isn't here."

He shoved his hands in his pockets with a sigh. His face turned towards the ground so I couldn't see. But I could hear the faint sniffles. His body shook calmly as I reached out for him. My figertips met his bare arm. Tears filled my eyes when his gaze met mine. I tried to pull it back, but you know I'm no good at it.

His hands slowly grabbed mine. I felt a jolt of electricity fill my bones. He had me at my weakest state, his fingers wrapping around mine. His body turned and pulled me tightly in. I felt the warmth of his touch, of his hug. I knew this was wrong. I was cheating myself of a promise I had made a while back about the two boys who changed my life.

Here it was: Never let Zayn or Harry back in. Find someone new; you'll be happier this way. Don't take from either boy. And never ever let them love you again.

Here I was. I was in Zayn's arms. But was this really cheating myself? A hug is only a hug, isn't it? It's not love, not really. A friendly love. But this could be classified as letting Zayn back in. But it's so hard to turn away now. His fingers intwined in my hair now. His other hand resting gently on my lower back. I couldn't help but smile.

One little time couldn't hurt, could it? No...

"Kate..." he whispered in my ear. "I want you back. Please."

I jerked away. No, I couldn't do this to myself. I didn't need a man in my life, and my child didn't need a father like him. Like him? Really, Kate? He's a great guy, and you know it.

Jeesh

...I'm not good at this.

"Please Kate." He reached for my hands; I let him take them. "I love you more than anything. We can be a family." His smile was genuine and warm. As warm as a broken-hearted man could make.

I stared at him for a while, trying to read some sort of deception in his look. He was hopeful but not a liar.

I breathed in a sigh. I caught a glimpse of my friend patiently waiting on the couch. Sherry was probably trying to wrap her mind around the lie I told her. About neither boy giving a damn about the unborn child. She was so caring. I had never seen her give this much sympathy. She must be true. Her intertwined and shaking hands were a clue.