Make a Joke of It All - A One Direction Love Story

Lullaby

How long do you want to be loved?

Is forever enough? Is forever enough?

How long do you want to be loved?

Is forever enough?

Cause I'm never, never giving you up.

- - - - - - - - - - - 

I watched Harry rush off, and, in that moment, I had felt hopeless. He was walking out of my life and possibly his child's. In that exact second, I completely had a change of mindset. I knew what I had to do. I knew that it was right, even if it didn't feel too good at the time.

I find it useless to explain what happened next because, to be quite honest, I was in a daze and didn't remember it all. All I can say is Zayn and I are back together. I'm pretty sure that happened right after the storm out. I guess after the moment in the hallway we all changed. I hadn't heard a thing from Harry, and Louis only called once to ask if I was alright. I told him I was, and he asked if Zayn was. I said yes and managed to slip in the fact Zayn and I had gotten back together since he'd left. Louis said okay and told me he had to go. 

The next two months after that seemed to be a daze. I felt this empty numbness inside of me, like a big part of me was missing. I can't say it was exactly a depression but more like watching everything happen instead of living it. It was like I was a washed up actress sitting back on the couch watching the television and not acting on the screen in a program I'd auditioned for. But, in this case, I'd felt like I'd been cast and reading from a tight script I had no say in. It sucked.

I'd gotten a small bulging tummy over these two months, and Zayn was by my side through all of them. I had stopped throwing up going into this second trimester but still felt awful. My feet were swollen, and my back was aching everyday. Even with Zayn rubbing them daily, I still wanted to punch a wall. He'd get me whatever food I wanted and then tried to pamper me with whatever he'd thought would make me feel better. It rarely ever worked.

Sherry would pop in and out whenever she could. As it turns out, Sherry honestly does care about me. Or maybe it's just this fetus. Either way our friendship was changing into something true.

Things were going pretty good. Zayn was the best he's ever been treating me like a princess. And despite the aches and pains, I was happy. But I still felt some sort of sorrow I couldn't explain. I'd wonder if it'd ever go away. 

Zayn and I were technically "together", but there was no physical aspect to it. We hardly ever kissed, and when we did it was only a peck. It felt like he was just a friend helping me out than the maybe-father of my child. I had been forming stronger feelings and developed erges towards him, but I didn't act on them. I wasn't sure if Zayn felt anything towards me, or if he just felt like he was obligated.

Either way, he volunteered to go to the doctor's with me today. It was the day I was finally going to find out the sex of the baby. I was shaking all over as we pulled into the drive. The building was small and so was the parking lot. It made me feel awkward seeing a married couple walking into the building looking in love and holding hands. My heart ached. It was so precious.

"Ready?" I turned around. Zayn was standing there looking nervous. I sighed and shook my head. We walked into the building. I checked in with the desk while Zayn took one of the two empty seats. There were five total in the room. Two were taken by the couple, and the other was being used as a stool for a man hanging up a poster. It had a mother holding here baby closely smiling and it read: "Life: the best gift you could ever give."  It made me smile. I was giving this gift to someone. A little person I had yet to meet. It was thrilling.