Flying Too Close to the Sun

Pippa

My child was really getting to me.  I'd expect this from Cam, but not from Molly.  Usually, if I made a decision she would accept it, maybe with a little pouting.  She'd never defied Lin and me like this.

After I'd hung up with her, I was seething.  With everything going on, the last thing I needed was my well-behaved child acting up.  As I calmed down, though, I realized that maybe because of that I really needed to pay attention to what she was saying.  She never acted like this.  This must be something she really believed in.  I began to consider her viewpoint.

Her world had been completely disrupted by Raina's illness.  It was hard enough having a sister with cancer, and now her own mother was gone.  Was it so bad that she wanted to be with me?  Was the only reason we weren't letting her come just because we wanted her to obey us?

After I'd calmed down, I locked myself in the bathroom so I wouldn't disturb Raina, who was fast asleep.  I called up Lin and paced back and forth.

"Hey," he greeted me from New York.

"Hi, Lin" I said.  "Listen, maybe we need to rethink the whole Molly situation."

"How so?" he asked.

"She never acts like this," I pointed out.  "This is really important to her and that's what she's trying to tell us."

"Well, she's doing it the wrong way," he said.  "Going on a hunger strike is not an appropriate way to express frustration."

"But she tried to tell us before," I went on.  "We wouldn't listen.  She had to do something drastic to get our attention.  All our focus has been on Raina."

He sighed.  "Pip, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with her throwing a fit and then us giving in to what she wants."

"Not without consequences," I said.  "She'll still be in trouble, but I think I should let her come here.  Then you'd just have Cam and Felix to take care of."

"What's she gonna do all day?" he asked.

"I can ask her teachers for work up front, or we can do the online school thing," I said.

"Pippa, I don't like this," he told me, and my heart sank.  We were once again disagreeing on something I truly felt in my heart was right.  My daughter needed to be with me.  "What's this gonna teach her?  Throw a fit and get what you want?"

"Or maybe it'll teacher her that we care about her and listen to what she says," I pointed out.

"Well, I'm not going along with it," he said.  "I think she should stay here."

We were both quiet for several long moments.  "Sleep on it?" I requested.  He sighed and agreed.  We hung up and I climbed into bed and opened up a book.

Lin and I texted throughout the day.  Molly was continuing not to eat and Lin said she wasn't looking good. He told her he'd take her back to the hospital the next day if she still wasn't eating.  I again urged to put her on a plane.

Finally, the next day, Lin had had enough.  He said he'd snapped at her and they had an argument.  Their first one ever.  We agreed she wouldn't have her phone or TV for two weeks as a consequence.  She'd be allowed to have her phone on the trip for safety reasons but it would immediately be mine once she landed.

That Friday, Raina and I went to the airport to pick up Molly.  She was beaming as she walked out into the lobby, and ran to me.  I was mad at her, but I hugged her tight.  It was great to see her again.

"I missed you so much," she told me, hugging me for a long time.

"I missed you too," I said, pulling back.  "But I'm not happy with you.  This was not the right way to get what you want."

"I know," she smiled sheepishly.  "I'm sorry."

"Where's your phone?" I asked her, and she handed it over to me.  She picked up Raina and planted kisses all over her face.  Raina now had her wig, so she complimented her sister.  Raina's outlook and attitude had changed immensely now that she had her hair back.

We headed back to the hotel and we settled in.  Molly unpacked her suitcase and claimed a couple drawers in the bureau.  She'd brought a laptop so she could do work.  Her teachers had agreed to email her assignments as they came up.  I knew I wouldn't have to hound her about her work.  She was very good at keeping on top of it.

That night, Molly snuggled with Raina on the other bed as they watched TV.  It was nice to see Raina giggling with her big sister.  I knew having Molly around would help Raina, too.  She was getting lonely.

The next day, Molly went with us to the hospital while Raina got her treatment.  Raina was proud to show her big sister how brave she was.  She held Molly's hand as they administered the drugs.  Molly was great moral support.

We'd been in Tennessee for a week, and I had seen a marked decline in Raina's energy level.  The doctors had said that was to be expected.  The medicine they were using was harder on the body than what she'd gotten in New York.  Still, it was horrible to see her suffer.  I showered her with affection and let her have extra iPad time.

We FaceTimed again that night.  Three of us in Tennessee, three of us in New York.  I could tell Lin wasn't happy about Molly going, but he was probably relieved that he didn't have to deal with her hunger strike anymore.

After the kids had all said hello to each other, we both excused ourselves to have a private conversation.  Lin went to our room and laid down on the bed.  I sat on the side of the bathtub.

"Hey," I said, softly, knowing he was still upset with me.  His eyes, usually kind and full of fun, were dark and defeated.  I wanted to kiss his temples and hold him.  I wanted to tell him I was sorry for everything.

"Hi," he said, settling in on his pillow.

"I miss you," I confessed, feeling my eyes well up.

"I miss you too," he said softly.

"Are you still angry with me?" I asked.

"A little," he said.  "I'm mostly upset that you're making big family decisions without me."

"I'm sorry," I told him honestly.  "We should have discussed things more.  I shouldn't have been so selfish."

He sighed as we looked at each other.  "Your heart was in the right place," he said.  "It's all about Raina."

"Yeah," I agreed.  "But our marriage is important too."

My heart ached for my husband.  I missed him terribly and when we had left, we hadn't even kissed goodbye.  What I wouldn't do to be able to feel his lips on mine.  I was filled with regret.  I reached out and touched the screen as if I could touch him in real life.

"Baby, don't cry," he said softly.  I hadn't realized there were tears falling from my face.  I wiped at the tears and chuckled humorlously. 

"I wish you were here," I confessed.

"Me too," he said, connecting his fingers with mine on the screen.  We just looked into each other's eyes for a few long moments, missing each other.  At least I felt like the air was cleared and we'd reconciled a bit.

"Stay strong," he told me as we were starting to sign off.

We both said we loved each other, then signed off.  I climbed into bed and hugged my pillow tight, wishing it was my husband.