Flying Too Close to the Sun

Lin

I woke up multiple times during the night, partially because the couch in the room was uncomfortable, but mostly because I was worried about Raina. I felt that if I fell asleep, I might miss something or she might get worse. Around four a.m., I awoke because Raina was crying.

I peeled off my covers and went to her bedside, leaning down. "Raina, what's wrong?"

"It hurts," she cried as I rubbed her belly.

"What hurts?" I asked.

"Everything!" she said.

"Okay," I said. "Let me get a nurse and we'll get you some more medicine."

I pressed a kiss to her forehead and stepped into the hallway to find a nurse. Raina knew that medicine meant an IV. She hadn't been good about keeping one in because she moved around so much. I sat in her bed and brought her into my lap as the nurse came in. I hugged her as she cried quietly. The nurse talked to her gently and I held her arms down so she wouldn't move suddenly. She cried louder as the needle went in. I shooshed her gently and she began to calm down.

As the medicine began to take effect, I pulled a blanket over us. I watched her little chest move up and down as she drifted off to sleep. As long as she kept breathing, she was okay. She was still with me.

Raina did not have a good morning. Several doctors came to visit and she had to be prodded with needles some more. She just cried continuously as the nurses put in needles, drew blood, and was examined.

After the room had cleared out, I picked her up and brought her on the couch to cuddle. She rested her head on my chest and I rubbed her back. Today, she looked incredibly pale. I didn't know what the test results would bring. Suddenly, it was too much. Tears formed in my eyes and I cried silently.

Once I'd gotten some control of myself, I spoke. "Raina, sweetheart?" I asked. She rubbed her eye. "I know you're tired, and I know you don't feel good. But you can't give up. You have to keep fighting. You can beat this infection, and you can beat this cancer. Do you understand?"

She said, "uh-huh," quietly as I kissed her head.

"I love you," I told her. "And I hate seeing you sick. You're gonna get better, but you've gotta stay strong. Can you do that for daddy?"

"Yes," she said. I hugged her tighter and kissed her head multiple times. I held her constantly. It was like if she was in my arms, she was safe.

____

Finally, the next day, Raina seemed to take a turn for the better. Her color looked better and she had more energy. When the kids came to visit with Pippa, she was laughing and playing with them. We had to watch her closely to make sure she didn't do too much. She needed her energy.

Felix was sitting on her bed, and they both had an action figure. They made sound effects as they fought each other. Pippa sat with me, my arm around her, as we just watched them. We were encouraged, but we didn't want to get our hopes up. Her infection was almost gone, but the cancer was still there.

I turned my face towards Pippa, smelled her hair and kissed it. "You doing okay?" I asked quietly.

"Better," she said. "She seems to have turned a corner."

"Yeah," I said. "I think having Felix here is doing her good."

"And having her daddy here is doing her good," she added, then looked at me. "And for me."

I kissed her gently, glad we weren't arguing anymore. We'd finally gotten a night together the night before. We took the second hotel room for ourselves and put it to good use. It had been so long since we'd been together. I never wanted that to happen again.