I Need You

39

Last night was rough. It is now 11:00am and I am just waking up.

I can hear people moving around outside my door in the little living space, but I just decide to lay in bed some more. I go on my phone and answer some texts, read some comments, and just make sure everything is all A-Ok on my socials.

Around 11:30am I am finished and decide to get up. I brush my teeth, wash my face, and put on some of my day clothes that are cute and comfortable. I am wearing yellow, white, and black plaid pants, a black cropped sweatshirt, my black non-heeled booties, my jewelry, and put on a little bit of makeup.

I finish around 12:00pm, so we are now stopping to give the driver a break and to stop for some lunch.

I hear the door to the bus open and I can feel the people getting off the bus. I grab my phone and my small white purse.

I get off the bus, and the guys are already all at the table where all the food is. They left a space for me right between Jimin and V and in front of Jungkook.

As I am walking up to the table, they all look at me, and the guys with their backs to me turn around. How awkward.

"Is this for me?" I ask pointing to the place between Jimin and V. They all nod and I sit down and start to eat my food.

Everyone is eating, too, but they keep looking at me.

"Guys," I say putting my fork down, "What's up."

Jimin looks around, "We heard you crying last night," I put my head down pretending to be fixing my napkin, "We just want to know if you are ok. I told Kim to talk to you, and we heard you on the phone." I look up with my eyes wide open.

V can tell what I am thinking, so he quickly replies with, "We don't know exactly what you were saying, like we were not listening to your conversation. We just know you were on the phone with her."

My body relaxes again, relieved.

"I'm fine," I reply with.

They all look around at each other again. I know they are "worried" about me and all, but I mean, to be honest, it's none of their business. I still barely know them except for Jungkook.

"Jade, we know that's not true. What's on your mind?" says Jimin.

Right about now, I've kind of had enough. I'm still a little emotional and tired from last night and this feels like an interrogation, even though I know it isn't, and I just can't take this right now.

"Nothing," I say picking up my food, "Thank for lunch," I say to the manager eating at the other table and I walk towards the bus. I sit in the sitting area, set up a table, put my earbuds in, watch some Netflix, and finish eating alone.

I look out the window and see the guys are starting to pick up their stuff, so I quickly pick up my stuff and move to my room, close the door, and sit on my bed with my back against the wall. I can feel the guys getting on the bus after a few minutes.

The bus begins to move, so I know we are back on the road. I put my earbuds back in and close my eyes.

Apparently I have fallen asleep, because I am woken by V tapping my shoulder. I take my earbuds out and sit up straighter.

"What's up?" I ask placing my earbuds and phone down on the bedside table.

"I just wanted to come talk to you, to make sure you really are ok," says V.

I internally roll my eyes and say, "Ok."

V gets more situated on my bed, sitting criss-cross on the end of my bed. He closed the door when he walked in, so it's more private.

"So what's been going on? You seem, upset, lately and when you were crying last night it really hurt me because I hate to see you, or any of the members upset," says V.

"Well," I say tracing the pattern on my comforter, "Ever since I broke up with Jungkook, everywhere we go I see signs the fans made saying things like, 'JADE AND JUNGKOOK FOREVER!' and, 'JAKOOK COME BACK!!' and the fans put pictures of us on them from the paparazzi or what we've posted on Twitter. I don't know. I guess I just get upset. Also, I think about everything that has happened these past 6 months and it's kind of overwhelming and just a lot of stuff has happened between Jungkook and I and I don't know. All this stuff is stupid. You don't want to hear this."

My eyes are beginning to water a little bit and a single tear streams down my face. I look up at V just as I'm wiping it and he is just looking at me and his eyes are sad.

"Jade, I'm sorry this is happening. I wish you would have told us before, we could have helped more."

I give a small smile and just shake my head and say, "No I don't want y'all to think this is your problem or whatever. I can deal with it. I'm fine."

"Jade, I know you are not fine, but it's ok not to be. At some point, we were all kind of where you are. It takes some time. Do you want me to talk to Jungkook?"

My head shoots up from hands, "About what?"

"Just to see if he is feeling the same way about the posters and all," V says.

I nod, "Yeah, maybe. That wouldn't be so bad."

He gives me a nod and gives me a long hug to let me know he is here for me and that I am not alone through anything.

V is a very good, supportive friend and band mate.

After a few more minutes, he gets up and leaves my small room with a little wave and heads out to the living area where all the guys are.

I hear RapMon say, "You were in there a while, what happened."

Then I heard V kind dodge the question and ask for Jungkook. Then they talked near the bunks quietly, so I could not hear what they were saying.

I get my earbuds, turn my music on, and lie back down.

Again, I am woken awake.

"Jade," he says quietly, taking one of my earbuds out.