𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐎 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 • 𝐉𝐄𝐍𝐙𝐈𝐄

3.70

mackenzie watched as maddie got off the plane and walked into the terminal with only a little excitement. of course she wanted to see her sister, but because of recent events, everything in her life had become dull and hazy. she felt as if she was constantly bored, and sad, as though there was an invisible monster dragging her down. she pushed these thoughts away with a little difficulty and mustered up the energy to greet her sister.

maddie walked through the gates and started running. kenzie smiled, genuinely this time, and walked towards her. maddie swept her up into a giant hug, yelling with happiness, and squeezed her tight.

"i missed you." mackenzie said. she didn't even force the words. they came naturally, just like breathing.

"i missed you too." maddie squeezed her sister tight one more time before she pulled away. "how are you?"

mackenzie didn't have to think. "bad." she said.

maddie sighed. "okay. i'm hungry. you?"

mackenzie thought a little bit. "uh- yeah?"

"here's what we're going to do. we're going to go to the mall and eat, and then we're going to go shopping, and then we're going to buy heaps of food and eat it all on the couch. and you are going to enjoy yourself- okay? you're going to cheer up."

mackenzie just managed a smile. "fine."

maddie slung an arm around mackenzies shoulder, lugging her bags along with her free hand. "you're going to be okay, kenzie. you're going to be okay."

mackenzie grimaced. i hope so she thought.

as they pulled up at their local shopping centre, mackenzie started to overthink. maddie had insisted on driving, so she sat in the passenger seat, thinking.

the beginnings of anxiety formed in her chest. she started bouncing her knee up and down, and looked out the window. the more she tried to fight it, the stronger it came.

she was sweating. her palms were tingling. she was losing control, and she knew it.

at the mall, there would be people. it's a public place and there will be crowds and there would be lots and lots of people all expecting her to behave normally and if she runs into someone she knows she will have to act normal even though this anxiety is eating up her insides and she feels like she can't breathe and-

"are you ready to go?" maddie asked.

"i-" mackenzie swallowed quickly, clenching her fingers. "yeah. let's go."

she was still overthinking and anxious while they walked towards the entrance. while maddie chattered aimlessly, mackenzie nodded along and swallowed back all that she was feeling.

i'm strong, i can do this, i am more than my anxiety, mackenzie repeated in her head. it was something she had taken to saying to herself when she had been in her last year of high school.

maddie asked her what she'd like for lunch, and she said sushi without thinking. it was the closest store. she just needed to sit down.

there was a boy serving them. mackenzie thought that in another life, he would have looked like johnny. his eyes were blue and his hair was black but he had the same haircut and stature as johnny does.

maddie nodded towards him when they sat down. "did you think he was cute? you sure were staring at him." she was smiling.

mackenzie looked down, spreading a napkin on her lap. "yeah." her voice sounded fake to even her own ears. no. she didn't think she was ever capable of loving anyone other than johnny.