Trench Fic [✅]

6.1-Ty

Wowie, long one.

"So you say, you know, that you wanna pursue music, but you can't find anything... you're good at? Is that right?" "I guess that's what I was trying to say, yes. I'm... Not very good at speaking." "No, no that's good." "I actually, uh...Sometimes I think, that I'm wasting my time, because, let's be real, I would never be able to perform in front of a crowd and-..."  "Oh, come on, Josh. There are plenty of ways to overcome that." Josh just shook his head and smiled as if he did not agree at all, but didn't want to be rude. "It's not like music career is all about performing. It shouldn't be standing in between you and your dream!"  "I don't know if this is my dream. Don't you think that I'm a bit of a late bloomer-..."  "Oh no- Tyler couldn't let Josh say that - Listen, I wasn't interested in listening to, let alone making music until four years ago . And I'm twenty one. I used to think music was stupid." - he chuckled. He wanted to cheer Josh up a bit.  "Speaking of that - Josh was looking a little nervous and Tyler knew, that he probably was unsure of whatever he was planning to say. - Can you tell me more about... - he made some unexplainable hand gestures - Your songs?" Tyler bit his lip trying to sort out what he wanted to say and what was just too personal - "See, I never liked to share anything I made with people, who don't know anything about what Dema is like. Yes, most of my songs are about the feelings that have led me to this place, but I have never addressed it directly. However, I'm planning to in the future. I wanted to publish it eventually. You know, for the banditos. As I told you, they are the only ones I sing these songs to. They love them. And they love me - he wanted to smile genuinely, but he knew this smile was a sad one - Although, I wish they gave me more constructive feedback, 'cause I don't want to become too... Neon."
Josh looked fascinated, but also kind of worried. Tyler didn't know why, but he felt like Josh might have a false image of him, because his work was not worth that kind of reaction. 'Am I lying to him? Am I showing it all as more interesting and complex than it actually is?' These thoughts seemed to have a voice of their own. He was not fully sure if Josh was in fact intrigued or all of it was this just a misunderstanding. Tyler felt the silence seep in through the collar of his shirt and slither down his back. "I'm sorry, but I need you to elaborate" - his eyes were sparkly and full of life, even when Tyler was not able to determine, what emotion they were hiding. These eyes were just pearls. "Okaaay... Uh..." - Tyler fiddled with his fingers not knowing what exactly he should elaborate on. "Why do you think, none of the people of the city are... capable of understanding this whole... your- all of your creations? - a small chunk of silence was like stage fright- And what's neon, exactly ?"  Tyler stood up. He needed to organise his thoughts.  "Well, let's start with... I don't feel inspired in the city. I mainly get my ideas in Dema and piece them all together in Trench an-"  "What's Trench?" Tyler didn't know what to say. "The uh... In between. You'll see." Josh nodded - "Sorry, continue. " "So, I just feel like people from the city are so used to the stories they  see in movies, cheap, made-up fantasy books and the... The colorful news stories... They give themselves artist pseudonyms and create their whole worlds just to feel some control over their own lives and I'm not- I don't wanna... - Tyler sighed heavily and looked Josh in the eyes - I don't want Clancy to become a nickname." Josh couldn't have understood that. There was no way he did, yet he looked like he felt Tyler's words. Tyler knew each person was different and there won't ever be a way for one to just transfer their emotions and experiences to the other without any miscommunications. But this time, he felt like the echo of this man's body was soft enough for Tyler's voice to bounce off of him and come back as more, than he had originally said. He knew the core of the Bandito group was kind and understanding like that, but Josh... He was absorbing his words completely and did not seem repulsed by anything Tyler had said so far. "Soo... Neon, huh. Neon. To put it simply, it's fire. So bright and so, so alive, but so empty. And artificial. There's no heat to it. You've seen the bishops yesterday making these... Uh... The thing... I'm gonna talk about the symbol later. They think they made fire. They made something burn and emit light, but it's not fire for sure." The mood was already dark and solid and Tyler felt responsible for whatever was to come next. Josh looked like he was getting more and more comfortable and he was not as anxious as he was before. "So, Clancy. Not your real name, but a book character." "Well... I wouldn't call it a book. Its more of a series of letters." "Yeah, sorry. So a character you created to help you reflect on your own life." "Exactly, like an out of-..." "... Like an out of body experience" - finished Josh. Tyler just looked at him with amazement and smiled. "So he is not you and he is not anyone..." "No." "I see." Something in Tyler snapped. He wanted to keep talking to Josh. He wanted to tell him more, he wanted to share all of the good and the bad in life with this person. That might be stupid and shallow. But he didn't care. "Now, I wanna tell you about one more thing. the... I don't know what it could be. At first I thought it could be a band name, but I ended up naming one of my records this way. If you could even call it a record. Its just an unfinished sketch, like all my works, because I never feel like I'm capable of finishing it all. So. Twenty one pilots. Does it ring a bell? " "No." Tyler did not let that discourage him. "So there's this play. It's called All My Sons. A man makes faulty plane elements and realises his mistake. He has two options; either, he could tell everyone about it and take the shame and massive costs, that came with having the parts replaced, or not tell anyone and risk people's lives. He chooses the second option, leading to the death of twenty one pilots." Josh was holding his breath, either purposely or unconsciously, so the silence was even louder. "So, I got this idea to name a band like that, but somehow, I ended up writing that name on the cover of my notebook with lyrics and it fit so well together, so now I can't ever make a b-..." - saying the last sentence he started laughing. So ridiculous. He never even wanted to be in a band. "What I'm trying to say is... Nico. The Bishop. The bad one. He found this notebook in the drawer - Tyler's face was inevitably morphing into a frown - he... He didn't even take it away. He just left a note. A note saying nothing more, but 'you're a copy'. Signed: Nicolas Bourbaki. And I know why that is. And I know that he knows. See, Bourbaki was not only a group of mathematicians, who wrote books or some crap and most people think they've cracked the code, when they realise, where he got his name from. But, knowing me, he must have known, I dug deeper. And I found it. Bourbaki- some French general, who lost a battle terribly and couldn't take the embarrassment of failure and having to surrender, so he put the gun to his head. And he failed. He did not die. Nico knows, that I named my notebook after a tragedy, failure and embarrassment. He probably read these lyrics too. He knows everything. And knowing that made me feel so stupid. After having him see my work, I grew to hate these song so much. I felt like I was never original and creative. And no one could ever truly be. At that point I almost stopped writing completely. But I overcame it, knowing that it was his purpose. To embarrass me. To break me." Tyler looked out the window. The sun was setting. It was only then, that he realised, his eyes were teary. But his approach to Josh has changed and he no longer cared.

The next chapter is already out, it's a follow up, go ahead !