Trench Fic [✅]

2_3- trees

Tyler was aching. The pain was boiling inside him and relief wasn't coming anytime soon. At this point in his life, he had more trust in himself than ever before but it didn't get rid of the problem. His mind would still sometimes spiral downwards but when it stopped, he was able to get up quickly on his own. Having hit his all time low he couldn't help but compare every moment to it. It helped him appreciate the not-so-bad days. It was raining outside and it reminded him of many other days when it rained. One of them being the day he thought Josh was gone forever. It took him a lot to force that thought out of his head once it settled in but he managed. He loved the rain, it usually calmed him down but today, it wasn't enough. He knew, he just had to act it out, let the agony shake his body in all directions it wanted, write down everything that had to be written and maybe sing some of it out. Looking at the notebook, he already knew he didn't want to start. He needed something new today. And suddenly his mind went back to that one day when he was 15. That night was so similar. It was raining too, just more heavily. Or maybe that's just how Tyler remembers it. He felt just like this, only more helpless. He couldn't shake it out of him, he couldn't sing because songs were too stiff and scratchy on his heart, he just ran outside barefoot, soaked in the rain and sang to God. He used to sing to God a lot back in the day. It was only in the last two years that he stopped writing songs to Him. But he was still in the process of releasing the old ones that were a tribute to the One he believed in. It felt right to run out right now. Tyler didn't think, lately nothing could stop him once he decided on something. He just got up and bolted through the door, then downstairs, then through another door, jumped the backyard fence and finally slowing down approached the forest. His feet hurt, he was panting heavily, his lungs were in fire. That was what he needed. Not thinking, he let out a scream. A loud and angry one but he didn't feel ashamed. He looked up at the stars and felt the rain on his face. It was all helping. "Would be so pleasing to come full circle. I still feel the need to see Him, to believe. I still feel the need to talk to Him"- he thought, preparing his sore throat to sing that song that could never go wrong.

I know
Where you stand
Silent
in the trees

His voice was flawless tonight, even though every word hurt. He didn't regret that scream, though.

And that's
Where I am
Silent
In the trees
Why won't you speak
Where I happen to be

Why won't He?
Why won't He speak?

Silent
In the trees

He could feel the bits of yellow gently washing over his heart

Standing
cowardly.

He took a small brake to breathe in. His shirt was soaked, pine needles poking his feet, hands were probably red from the cold but it was too dark to confirm. He was loving every moment.

I can feel
Your
Breath
I can feel
My death

His voice kept getting louder and louder. Release? Relief?

I want to know you

I want to see

I want to saaaaaaay

His voice echoed through the forest.

Hello.

He let the word sink in the leaves, the grass, the flowers that must have been there somewhere. You could feel the forest expressing it's gratitude. No crickets, just the wind and rain washing the trees around him. The moment was cut short by a sound. Tyler heard the noise and flinched. He decided to continue singing, now much quieter, concerned, looking for the source of the sound. A bird? It was flying towards him, but its wet wings were slowing it down and slapping loudly. He wanted to repeat the song, show the bird, what it had missed out on.

Silent in the trees

A white dove landed on a tree in front of him, staring at him from above. It was at just the right angle to look at Tyler the way you look at a child. Tyler was almost whispering. He was no longer calling out to the distant void. He was singing to someone sitting right in front of him.

Standing cowardly

It wasn't going anywhere. The wind was howling,  the rain was pouring, Tyler's fingers were now definitely freezing, but the dove was silent. He couldn't believe his eyes.

I can feel your breath.
I can feel my death
I want to know you
I wasn't to see
I want to say

Hello.

Was this a dream? What were the chances of something like that happening? Why now? In the middle of a stormy night, in an area, where he's never seen a bird? Let alone a white dove? Why right in front of him? None of it felt real but maybe, after all these years of asking he finally got his chance to say hello.

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Hey, I tried to come back to that plot line I started long ago with a retrospective chapter, remember? That was actually inspired by real-life events, that's why I introduced it way back. Anyway, I tried to close up every plot line, explain everything and just close the story. Not sure if it's the very last chapter, maybe it is. Take care.
Luv
Tori