Trench Fic [✅]

23- hopeful

Posted the last chapters without any proof-reading, I'm sorry about that. They were terrible but they're fixed now. Enjoy.

Sitting on a long piece of wood, tormented by emotions and confused by lack of them. Josh was making a fireplace and asked him to stay put on this log and rest. He didn't argue. Silence was the best. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to define what he was feeling or what he thought. He just wanted to look at Josh fighting this small lighter, completely focused on his work but also aware of Tyler staring at his hands. He must have been. Tyler wanted to change his position since his thighs were in pain but he realised it made no sense since there was no way for him to sit that wouldn't cause pain. A small flame appeared between Josh's hands and he looked like he didn't want Tyler to see it not to disappoint him if it dies. But he was probably just protecting it from the wind. The flame gladly accepted the two twigs it was given and filled the chill air with soft cracking. Tyler loved the sound. He accidentally looked at Josh's face and saw he was content. It made him a little more yellow inside and that was the first time since the escape that Josh made him feel anything and it's been two days. Was that a good thing? He looked at his own hands as to avoid eye- contact. He tracked the movement of his bones beneath his skin as he moved his fingers. He would probably be looking at his bruised wrists if it wasn't for the tape. Every thought that crossed his mind was slow and not opinionated. The serenity of the forest, the silence and the cracking fire filled him not with yellow fire of hope and happiness but perhaps with warm, clean spring water of just carelessly existing. "We're not lost - Tyler's face got more despondent as Josh spoke - I have studied the map and I know we are close to the end of Trench, we just took a different route - "sounds like bullshit. All he ever says is bullshit that's supposed to just keep me alive for his own enjoyment" - Tyler didn't actually think that. He just really wanted to hear this in his own head to let some of the anger out on his friend. Saying that out loud would be too much of a commitment "I'm sorry, Josh" - if he said all of his thought out loud people would think he was crazy. Josh was still looking at the fire ignorant of Tyler's inner outburst, doing everything to keep his little flame alive. He had gathered plenty of wood and made a nice circle out of pebbles and placed some logs around it for benches. Tyler didn't know why he was trying so hard. It was just for one night. Or maybe it was for two. He didn't know if he liked being lost with Josh or not. Some of it seemed fun. Not the parts where he was given the choice of either going somewhere with Josh or staying alone. He chose to go with Josh, using the fact that this was Josh's preference as well to his advantage as to not appear clingy or dependent. But he was. "I know you are hungry and you will eat, Tyler but I have to prepare it first." He didn't know if "you will eat" was a way to calm him down or another stern order. He tried to appear completely dispassionate and kept inspecting his own hands but he wasn't paying attention to what he was seeing anymore. Something in his brain switched and he was back on his knees, handcuffed to a blue glowing shape, terrified, then he was floating off his feet, grasping for air, hand on his throat, terrified, then he was tied down, on a cold table, blind, terrified, then he felt his hands crack, screaming, terrified, then he was in his bed, without his soul, terrified, without his sight, without his thoughts, without Josh, terrified. SNAP
Josh broke a branch in half over his knee and tossed it into the fire. Tyler was so happy most his sight was back, so he could see his man working, probably wishing he could hear his thoughts but Josh wouldn't actually like to see what was there, behind his skull. So why won't he just stop trying to channel his thoughts? He wasn't even looking at him but Tyler could feel him trying to hijack his brain on a level that wasn't observable by any of his senses. Was he actually insane? Josh stood up and started stretching, looking proudly at the bright chaos, consuming the wood. He must have been so tired but Tyler didn't feel compelled to help. The sun was setting. Josh walked right past him, towards their bags but Tyler didn't follow him with his sight. He could hear him doing something back there that involved a lot of loud noises. After about ten minutes he finally turned his head around slowly to see a tent that looked almost fully set. Tyler looked back at his hands immediately as he felt guilt swarming in his head. He didn't have to help him, because he didn't ask so he wasn't bad. He wasn't rotten. Josh will understand once he has the strength to engage in a conversation. "It's done." Tyler looked at him, still trying his hardest to express nothing. "I have something for you - Josh's sad smile was still fully yellow - I don't know if you want this - reaching into the tent he appeared nervous - but I hope it won't upset you at least" - he handed him his spiral notebook which Tyler quickly grabbed, not believing his eyes. He was very grateful. Josh cared about him so much. Tyler counted all the things Josh had done for him in his head and forced a small smile on his face, knowing it would make Josh happy. And it did. Tyler intentionally didn't look in his eyes because seeing Josh fully smile would either make him do the same or the opposite and he wanted to stay in the middle. He held the netbook close to his chest "Thank you."

💛🖤💛🖤💛🖤🖤💛🖤

Breath in

And out

And in

And out

There was nothing to worry about. Tyler had eaten, he was warm, there was a new route planned and all they had to do was wait two days for the vultures to return to Dema. Josh hoped he had calculated everything properly and that they will arrive in time.

Tyler was breathing.
Slowly.
He was calm.

All Josh wanted to do now was hold him close to his body and have him fall asleep in his arms, feeling his heartbeat but that definitely wasn't what his friend wanted in this moment. Josh wondered if Tyler regretted their friendship. If he would ever be emotionally close to him again. No. No. Shut up. It's okay.

He was breathing
Slowly.
He was drifting away to sleep.
And that meant everything.
Perhaps he was already asleep.
Josh was tired but he couldn't stop guarding the fire thorough the small gap in the tent, he couldn't stop guarding Tyler's breath. The fire couldn't die because the night in Trench was deadly. And they couldn't die because they were too precious. He wondered if that was a word Tyler would use about him precious. Probably not. He wondered what would even go through his mind now if he heard his name. What did he even mean to him by now.
Josh wasn't sad.
There were so many thing to be happy about.
To be hopeful about
He had just missed Tyler so much, be couldn't bare seeing just his body alone and even this seemed to had been severely damaged. He frowned. Tyler is sleeping and he is okay.
He needs his space.
Josh can only hope that one day he wants to build back what they once had
"Josh?"
"Y-yes?"
"Can you hug me?"