Trench Fic [✅]

18- where we used to bleed

It was his turn to climb. Get a taste of what Tyler had to do for him. It was scary but he was more scared of backing out than falling or something. Tyler's windowsill was wider so he could sit on it and catch his breath before he faces whatever intense emotions were waiting for him inside. But he didn't seem to be able to do that and he wished there was someone else to do it for him. He was too busy thinking. Sitting on the cold metal, he counted to twenty. Nothing was happening. Maybe it wasn't Tyler's room. Oh no. His breath was out of control again. Maybe little Ty was just asleep. He smiled inside his head but his face was still. God, he really missed him. Carefully, he turned over his arm and knocked on the glass. There was movement. He glanced over his shoulder and met face to face with his friend. Their eyes landed perfectly in front of eachother, divided only by now foggy glass. But Tyler's eyes were different. He looked not only upset but as if he had to make a painful decision or admit something difficult. He slowly opened the window and Josh got the impression that he might have not been anticipated at all which sent a warm but unpleasant shock through his chest. Ouch. He looked around and saw an unmade bed with a blanket on it, on the floor a trampled yellow flower. The last thing he noticed were drawers that weren't perfectly shut and his eyes immediately turned to Tyler to see what he had to say about all of this but the defeated look he met boiled his anger down to pity. "Tyler." - That was all he was able to say. His friend opened his mouth but didn't speak. "Tyler." - he said quieter not knowing what he was supposed to do, forgetting all his plans, just feeling helpless. "Tyler It's okay." He must be feeling enough guilt already. But he didn't choose the best moment to be silent because it made Josh grow impatient, irritated and worried. " I liked you better with yellow hair."- was that all he had to say? It was all happening so slow and starred to feel a little like a staring contest. "I saw your eyes go red and it... You didn't need to do this, I lost. I wasted it, it's for nothing, Josh, I'm sorry. You have to drop me. I'm not sor-" - now he was speaking to fast. "Shut up, shut up and help me tie this rope to your bed." - maybe the way of avoiding confusing emotion was just to act emotionless. Tyler wasn't himself right now so neither should be Josh. All he needed was out of that room as quick as possible. He felt like a monster, avoiding his eyes and giving orders, not listening, being ruthless. Especially when he watched Tyler hold onto the rope, trying to slide down and noticed how weak the boy looked. Thankfully, he made it to the ground without Josh having to catch him because he was scared to feel how skinny he had gotten. The walk through the courtyard was supposed to be silent but this time it wasn't just because they were trying to go unnoticed. It was because they didn't intend to speak. Josh, despite the fear and anxiety, had to take Tyler's hand and take the lead on their way to the basement. They made it to the door and soon met the banditos. Only then, Josh realised, he was still holding Tyler's hand. He looked at Tyler as if telling him what he had just discovered without words and he almost smiled. Josh could finally ease up and let his emotions flow from his heart into his brain. He pulled Tyler into a hug. It wasn't planned but he decided not to scold himself for it and rather focus on not tearing up. The boy barely placed his hands on Josh's back and was still stiff and motionless but that didn't discourage Josh from keeping him tight in his arms for a solid ten seconds. They taped themselves up (Tyler insisted he will do it himself) and soon they were on their way. Josh could notice the colour fading from his arms as they walked but this time it happened way slower. There were still things he was very concerned about but he didn't let that show through. Last time he was put in a very comfortable position of the one being guided and helped but this time, he needed to be the bigger man for the person he had so much respect for. He had also noticed Tyler avoiding eye contact with the rest for the group and being all around disconnected which he took as a suggestion to give him some space and keep himself more distant. But their eyes inevitably met, somewhere about halfway through one of the tunnels when Tyler definitely noticed Josh staring at his forearms which he instinctively pulled together and covered with his hands which Josh took as a weird reaction until a certain thought crosses his mind and stung him in the chest like the last realisation did. But it's wrong to assume. So wrong to assume those things. Oh, how wrong it is to assume. Yet, he had still intentionally missed the crucial step of taking Tyler's bottom drawer just in case the boxes weren't unopened. "Don't think that, don't think that, don't think that. He's not that person, it's not your place to think that, it's not a fun thing to think, shut up, shut up, don't think that." It was so hard to even think of but that's why he avoided it. To not even think of the possibility. Others have saved their razorblades anyway. When we get to the end of Trench, it's going to be the last time any of us ever bleed. And Josh will be the one to make sure that is the case. It's where their blood needs to stay.