Ecdysiast || PJM 🔞

Chapter 11: Accepted

Lee Jiwon's POV

"Yes, Jimin. I am Iris and I'm a stripper."

My body shivered from shame, sadness, and anger but why am I feeling this way if this is what I wanted? I wanted him to know me ㅡ this other me ㅡ so that he'll stop but why am I suddenly feeling this way? Why am I feeling sad and ashamed?

I lowered my head in shame and exited the room, leaving him in his still shocked state. I guess this is it. He'll stop on pursuing me now that he knows that I am not what he thinks I am. I should feel relieved but why am I suddenly feeling hurt? I cannot understand myself.

"Jiwon, are you okay?" Our manager asked and held my wrist, preventing me from walking away towards the dressing room and ignoring her. "Why are you crying?"

I'm crying?

I touched my cheek and it was wet because of my tears. I didn't even realize that I am crying but why? Why am I crying?

"It's nothing. I-I just don't feel well. Unnie, c-can I go home? Just for tonight, please." With a look of concern on her face, she nodded and patted my back for comfort. "I'll cancel your remaining private shows for tonight. I'm sure they'll understand. I'll take care of it, okay? Just rest when you get home."

I nodded and smiled. "Thanks, Unnie."

"Of course." She gave me a tight hug before letting me go.

Inside the dressing room, I stared at myself on the mirror, my lingerie hugging my body perfectly but my face was already messy from the smudged make up caused by my crying. I feel dirty again. I know that there's nothing really wrong with being a stripper but after Jimin knew, why am I suddenly feeling so little of myself. Is it because I've lost another person that became close to my heart?

Jimin has become a good friend to me. If he just didn't grow feelings for me, we'd probably be alright by now. I just couldn't let a person like him be with me. If people learns what I do for a living and see us together, it is not only me who will be criticized but also him and he doesn't deserve to be treated like that.

Look at me, just look at me. Seeing me like this, almost naked and using my body to earn money over those crazy rich men... now that Jimin knows, I don't think he'll ever see me as what he sees when he was still clueless. From the start, it's just me and myself to have and to comfort me; to accept me from everything, so I shouldn't really be hurt.

Yeah, that's right Jiwon. You need no one because no one will understand you. You're a tough woman yourself.

I wiped my tears and cleaned off my make up while staring at myself with courage.

Why am I even hurt when I'm used to having my own back? Jimin isn't a lost.

Going out of the dressing room wearing my black hoodie and jeans, the hoodie covering my head, I saw Jimin at the corner looking so deep in his thoughts as he drank his glass of whiskey. He must be thinking of what happened earlier.

Gosh, Jiwon, how stupid can you get? You were all so courageous while approaching him that other night and telling him that Jiwon is a stripper but now you're hurt? Aigoo, Lee Jiwon.

At home, I checked on Dawon and smiled after seeing him asleep on his bed with all his things scattered on his bed. On his hand still holds his ball pen. I checked on it and saw that he's trying to solve a Math problem and since I'm kind of bored, I finished solving it on his scratch paper and added some explanations before fixing his things, fixing his position in a comfortable one and tucking him on a blanket.

"Sweet dreams," I softly whispered before kissing his forehead.

I closed my eyes and relaxed my body on the tub, the scent of vanilla and lavender of my bath bomb calming me as well as the warm water embracing my body.