Diaries of Elle Rose

3

09/12/18

Okay so it's a new day and that comes along with new opinions. As embarrassed as I am to admit this, I'm not so sure I was very correct in my original statements. I mean yes, the snacks are good and the people are real but I'm also scared that I'm losing myself at the same time amongst all this chaos. Instead of too much structure like unit A, there is absolutely none.

I woke myself up around 8 a.m. and they brought me out to check my vitals. So far so good right? Not exactly. I grabbed my breakfast tray and went to take a seat at an empty table but for some reason that I can't quite understand, everybody is fascinated by and wants to sit next to the new girl. So because of this, instead of having a nice and quiet breakfast to myself, I now it was responsible for entertaining these people despite the fact that I didn't really want them there. Fun...

I did it willingly still and I suppose that I did meet some interesting people. But also some very strange people have been coming my way and I'm not exactly sure how to get rid of them.

I haven't done all that much today aside from talking on the phone with my mom a bit about staying at a residential facility.

I did talk to this one guy in the unit though. He's 23 years old, depressed, his name is Jonah, and I find him very attractive. He probably thinks I'm crazy but I mean hey, so is he.

I was sitting in my small corner by the window in the day room when I first noticed him sitting there, expressionless, staring blankly at a wall. I decided to take this moment to get over my social anxiety, put my journal down, and talk to the guy. So I did. I just walked straight up to him and said "Hi, what are you here for?" Yeah I know, that was probably the shittiest way to start a conversation. But I was otherwise empty for words, and besides, where better to put it all out in the open then here.

He then went on to tell me that he hasn't been feeling like himself lately and that he was caught walking outside naked... okay, he's a weirdo, so what? He is still attractive, weirdo or not.

He's pretty tall, about six foot one and has light reddish orange hair and beautiful deep blue eyes. Just to add one more detail, his nose and cheeks were splattered with freckles.

Wow, that was way too much time spent thinking on one person. But on the same subject, there's a few really creepy guys here, one in particular. He's a middle-aged man and I only just turned twenty two months ago.

Anyways, he keeps staring at me and passing by my room over and over, peeking in to see me. When I first transferred to B I saw him and he made eye contact with me before pointing over to his room. God how I wanted to chop his head off right then and there. I mean honestly who on earth does this guy think he is? James Dean? To me more like Charlie Sheen.

Now if you are someone who can manage to ignore this creep and some of the other fire starters then you would see that unit B isn't that bad. It's actually okay. Still better than Unit A I would say.

Today in our group we were supposed to talk about our feelings and I think we all know how I would feel about that. I mean it just always turns into one giant competition about who's had the saddest childhood. Honestly why? Who gives a shit truthfully? We all got the shit end of someone else's stick either way, so saying it to a group of strangers isn't going to magically fix things for anyone. Anyway, I just remained silent through it all, waiting until I could get the hell out of this place.