DEFIANT | Carl Grimes

4: find yourself a family someday

"so i met this governor. sat with him for quite a while," rick explains. he just got back from the meeting.

"just the two of you?" merle asks and i glare at him.

"yeah," rick nods.

"should've left when i had the chance," i mutter. these people are doomed.

"he wants the prison," rick continues. "he wants us gone. dead. he wants us dead for what we did to woodbury. we're going to war."

i take a deep breath and look around. all i can think about was how big of a mistake i've made stopping here. i should've kept walking.

~

i start packing my bag when i hear footsteps come into the cell. i look back to see glenn and continue packing. "it's dangerous to be leaving while the governor's out there," he says.

"it's dangerous to stay here with you guys too," i admit and dump the backpack of weapons back into my duffle bag. "i'll take my chances out there."

"where'd you... uh," glenn stumbles on his words but then takes the backpack from me and takes it out of the cell. as i'm walking out he blocks my way.

"what now?" i look up at him.

"nothing i say will make you want to stay, but if you're going to go then take this," he says and hands me a knife. i give him a questioning look and slowly reach for the knife, receiving a smile from him. "be careful."

"thanks." i say and nod. i look at the others that have gathered around. carl hasn't looked at me since he helped me out. i look over at daryl, who quickly looks away once we make eye contact.

"you might as well be signing your own suicide note," merle says and i give him a fake smile.

"i got it. i'll take my chances, thanks." i nod and turn away to walk out.

"wait," maggie says and i turn back around. she comes over and hands me the backpack, opening it to show me food. "so you don't have to stop next time. i'm really sorry."

i give her a smile and maggie, glenn, daryl and carl follow me out. outside we meet with rick and hershel. "i'm leaving," i say and rick looks over at me.

rick looks around to the tree line and back at me. "you know, i'd prefer that you stay." he says and i nod.

"i know, but i can't do this group thing. i'm not meant to be with you people," i say and he nods.

"jade, wait." i hear and turn to see beth running towards me. she stops and gives me a hug. "i hope you can find yourself a family someday."

her words sting in my chest but i still turn to the fence and look around at all the walkers. when rick slowly opens the fence i start to run, killing any walkers i can. i hear gunshots that kill walkers around me.

i reach the tree line and turn around to face the prison. i smile and wave, knowing that they can see me. as i turn around i want to walk away but something inside of me can't. i hope you can find yourself a family someday. beth's words ring in my head. i take a deep breath and turn around to take another look. guilt fills my heart and i look between the trees and the prison.

"i can't stay. jade, these people hurt you." i tell myself. "you can't stay... but maybe you can still help."

i walk deeper into the trees, looking for anyone that could be one of the governor's men. i check my watch and realize it's almost been two hours. this is stupid. i must be wasting my time, trying to help these people.