LOST (btsxnamjoon) #bottomnamjoon

IM SORRY

hey guys..

look ill just jump right into it

this past few weeks..

has been hell for me..

its been hard in my private life and public life

as somewhat I experience betrayal a lot of times either from my school friends, my aqquaintence and my parents..

as propably all of u may not know, my family has a lot of sht going down in which only I know the truth

imma just tell since no one would know this irl and confront me and second is no one irl really cares except for being sorry for me and that's it, they don't fckng care about me, and third is "if I don't post in a long time that means I died or ran away from this shtshow" so that's that.

to put it summary my problem may hppen to some of you guys, and I wish it doesn't but if there are just know your not walking alone on this,

-bullied since kindergarden and got traumatized for years but no one notices, haha :3

-sister died when she was young

-dad is in a critical rate at the hospital

-I got physically abused "accidentaly" by my dad when I was 4ish

-parents affair since i was in 3rd grade

-got drown when 6 by my "bff" brother, in which he told me she never though of me as a bff

-compared, highschool life

-alone at school

-cutting

-drowning

-suffocating

-worthless by family

etc but the rest I cant really tell since im writing this secretly and my mom would be pissed, so im sorry to all of you for myself for not being able to update liked I promised, im sorry soo sorry. ive talk to people but they never stayed and it kills me inside slowly making me feel empty even though I just want someone to listen to me and hug me telling me its okay, but that's selfish, no one would do that, no one cares.

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my head is filled with question that I ask myself everyday of my loneliness, why did I live, why did she die, why does everyone leaves me, god, will I go to heaven or hell, does it even exist, why don't I just hang myself, or drown, or put a bullet in my head, my soul, heart, and mind is already corrupted, but like everyone I just draw a smile on my face as I walk through shards and a knife on my back telling everyone im okay and they need to be happy. is it a sin to wish someones happiness before yours?

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is it wrong I never shed a tear in front of anyone but when Im alone I broke down in tears asking why was I born in the first place. but I never wanted to show my feelings to anyone, I don't want them to think im weak, useless, greedy, self center. but its my joy to be a lending ears, arms and shoulder to those who wants someone to listen to their story and helped them. that's why im making this, I wish for all of you to find your purpose, your soul, your happiness and be able to help others along the way.

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music

ah..

the sound that drowns all the sorowness, rains on yourself as you felt nothing around you other than the voices from the music, giving hope, happiness, grieve and even joy. as I though of this I ask myself what is happiness? to put it simple what is happiness, we feel it everyday like eating on a hungry stomach, bts, music, anything small could mean happiness to us, and I want all of you to feel it everyday even if its simple and small.

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please if anyone is feeling what I did, try talking to someone.. if you don't trust or have someone you can talk to, chat me.. even if the problem is small nor big it would bring me joy if I could help you guys even if its a small step.

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that's it I guess im sorry to disappoint you all, for my mistakes, im so sorry, im sorry, im sorry please forgive.. don't forgive me idk what to think as im writing this haha.. im sorry

.

please tell your stories to me if you feel like it..

don't be like myself..

its painfull everyday...

so try and find happiness💜

and once again im sorry

-I hope I can continue this story

that's it I guess..

@joonjooniexxx out.. peace