Mixed feelings

The Hogsmeade Trip (3/4)

A//N I know this is a part of the hogsmeade trip but it's from the boys pov. THANKS FOR 138 READS YOUR AMAZING Xx

Peters Pov:

I stared into the cold black lake, thinking about how easy it would be to drown. Wondering what would happen if I pushed someone in. If I pushed Snape I'd probably become really popular! I smirked at the thought. I'd never been popular in my life, I was a little fat, with round eyes, a boring personality and I was shy. Also easily tempted. Something that had got me into a lot of trouble these past years.

I noticed Remus sitting alone by the tree nearest the castle. I got up, with much effort, and went to sit by him.

"Hey Rem what's up?" I said glad to have some company today, Sirius had dragged James away to pull a prank on professor slughorn and all the girls were in Hogsmeade today so we were the only two who were actually around.

"Not much Peter. Not much at all" he replied, a sad and lonely look on his face. I noticed him throwing stones at random things in the area. I debated backing away, Remus was strong, and those stones were quite big. It was then I noticed the tears welling up in his eyes. And I knew this was important, very important. I liked helping my friends, although, they would kill me without a second thought if they knew what I was planning to do in the future.

I sat next to him. I could tell he didn't really want to talk about it. I lay back against the tree, thinking about Lucy. About how pretty she was, and how incredibly brave to help me with this. I'd never had a girlfriend before her. And I never intend to have another one. She is the only woman for me. I missed her today. I had no one to really talk to. And there was no one else who really wanted to talk to me.

I looked back over at Remus, who had tears streaming down his cheeks by this point. And was now changing the stones into rocks and bewitching them to bash themselves at trees in the forest. I gazed at him, wondering why he was upset. The full moon wasn't until mid next month and no one he knew had died recently. But it was clear that whatever this was, it was bad.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I said tentatively, I didn't want a rock smashed into my face so I was trying to be gentle, extremely gentle.

"No. Yes, Maybe I don't know!" He exclaimed, now looking more shaken than ever.

"Spit it out. " I said seriously to him; it's easier for him to confide in someone now, than have it build up and him screaming at me later.

He turned to look at me, his legs crossed. Confusion and heartbreak etched onto his face. He had a certain look of helplessness, and I felt a twang in my chest. Sympathy.

"Well," he sighed, looking like he had just given up a fight inside himself, "I really like this person, no scratch that, I am head over heels in love with this person. But there is no hope that they like me back, like seriously no hope. And it's tearing me up because every time I look at them my heart beats a little faster, and my world rises and shatters at the same time. Knowing they're with me and knowing that they will never truly be mine. I feel alone and I can't decide whether to tell them. I want to because I feel that if at least they know it will explain a lot to them. Stuff I can't explain because my chest seizes up when I look into their eyes and as I watch the way they move every part of me aches and I wish it was just me and them, and that we were alone and could forget the world. Knowing that they love me back. But I don't tell them because they never will." He said bitterly. Woah. Remus had a lot to get off his chest.

"A-and I would loose a really great f-friend." He stuttered towards the end.

I started thinking about who this mystery girl could be. I thought through Remus's friends who were girls. And eventually said to him,

"Is it that Natalie girl?" I questioned him, curiosity evident on my face.

He sighed, as if I was stupid. He chuckled at my supposed idiocy. And as he stared into the lake I thought I saw a look of pure sadness cross his face. No hate or anger. Just sadness.

He seemed to disappear as he muttered "if only it were that simple"

I knew that was all he was going to tell me so I just shut my eyes and thought about what a mess our lives were. And how we were never going to live this life easily. When I opened my eyes Remus was shaking. Even more tears pouring down his face than before. I obviously wasn't very much help. Then again I rarely am.

I looked into his eyes and he just sobbed uncontrollably staring away towards the castle.

"Everything's just so hard at the moment Peter." He said to me,and I understood because he was right.

Footsteps came towards us and i looked around to see Sirius and James smiling and coming towards us.

"Hey g-" Sirius had started to say, but he took one look at Remus's tear stained face and grabbed his hand, dragging him away towards the castle.

I looked at James who just shrugged at me. Remus was right though. Everything's hard at the moment.