Naked

Just a good fucking

[[ A/N; currently writing an ongoing girl x girl story called Almost, Always. Please check my wattpad profile to read the story. ]]

To the people we could just never forget.

To the ones that started a fire inside us that would never stop burning.

This is for you

--
LANE POV:

According to Tammara Webber "there are millions of ways to lose someone you love"

this is how I lose mine..

It has been years since I last saw Austin. IT IS STILL PAINFUL. IT WILL ALWAYS BE PAINFUL.

And just like what broken hearted people do, I tried to make myself as busy as possible. Sadly, I dont think it was my heart that is only broken, more like my entire life too. There is just this void that nothing and no one else can fill. There are days that I fail miserably and there are days where I felt like I did good.

Waking up everyday without no messages from him, no calls, nothing. I'm still trying to convince myself that maybe his phone got stolen. He lost my number. He couldn't find a way to contact me. When in reality I know deep down that if he really wanted to talk to me, HE WOULD.

But he is with Gretta now. And he is happy. The thought of that pains me and somehow gives me peace. Knowing that he is now loved and content. Something he would probably not experience with me. Because after all, it has always been her..

He is just a passing thought now. Sometimes it feels like suicide. Knowing that it would hurt me yet I would still keep on thinking about what once was. That I am starting to think that if I am actually in love with the pain and memories more than I was in love with the person.

--

I continued painting, trying to think of something else but him. But who am I kidding? I will always love Austin. And I guess even in my paintings..it shows.

I paint him.

Because that is the only way I know how to keep him mine. Only way to keep the memories. In this paintings, he would always love me. Just as how I would always love him.

I went out to get more materials. I walked around the usual park where Austin and I used to meet. I still go there often. Not as much as I did before.

Because it hurt. It still does..

It hurt that I can only see his ghost. And I still haven't accepted the fact that he is not coming back. He is no longer coming back. Ever.

Lane. Austin is happily married now. Might even have kids by this time. There is nothing for me to look back to.

I tell myself.

I checked my phone. Time to head back home. Surprisingly, I had 8 missed calls from Jon.

Huh? I wonder whats up.

Without intending to call him back. I went to Jon's house. Jon, is now living with his long time boyfriend Marcus. I was near Jon's house when I saw a man walking away from his house.

It cant be Marcus? That's definitely not him. Is Jon cheating on him??

My heart started beating so fast. I don't know why.

Actually. I do. I had a feeling. But I was terrified.

What if....

Could it be....?

Austin?

Tears started falling from my eyes. I wanted to run towards him. But instead I just stood there. Even though I was already screaming inside. I wanted to hug him, kiss him, tell him how much he has been loved and missed. But I couldnt do that anymore..

It's not for me to do..

Austin. I whispered to myself.

I didnt say it that loud but to my surprise, he turned around. Took him a while but he slowly smiled at me.

"Lane."He said.

My heart.

"Austin." I said back.

He slowly approached me.

"Hey."

"Hey..."

"How are you...? How have you been?"Austin asked.

I've been miserable without you. I wanted to tell him.

But instead all I was able to say was

"I am okay. I'm doing great actually. Been busy with painting and all."

I wanted to ask him how he was. But I'm scared he would tell me how happy he has been. How happy he is. Or show me a photo of his kids. I'm not ready. I don't think I will ever be.

"Good to know. It was nice seeing you again Lane. See you around. Keep safe."

See you around?? What does that mean? He is back for good?

I'm somehow thankful that he didn't tell me stories or anything that would be too painful for me to handle. I feel like he still care. Or maybe not at all. All I can think about right now is that he might be back.

Is it for good? Is he with his family? There are so many questions in my mind.

I smiled at Austin for one last time just in case it would be the last time I will see him.

"It was nice seeing you again, Austin."

I replied. I wanted to ask him what he was doing here but it would just hurt more. All I can think about right now is seeing Jon and ask him questions myself.

"Austin. I am very happy to see you."

I said. Trying to hide the pain between my smile.

He just looked back at me and smiled.

"Bye."

That's the only thing he said..and left.

It all came back to me.

How he left. How his back was the last thing I saw. It's painful and traumatizing. How I couldn't do anything to make him stay. Not this time. Not in this lifetime. I started crying hard. I want to puke out my feelings. I dont want this anymore. I dont want to feel anymore. Just when I thought I was doing good. When I thought I was okay. Thats when I see him again.

My heart just breaks all over again.

Yes. He fucked me good. Austin fucked me good. Sex wise..life wise. He ruined me. Completely.

Again

And again.

This is the only fucking I'd ever tolerate..

***