Naked

Vanilla

Lane's POV:

Do you remember your first heartache? Do you remember your first kiss? Did you know when it will be the last?

Because..

I didn't.. I didn't know.

And we always think theres always more. There's always another chance. Another time. But we don't..

We never truly do...

After crying my eyes out from reading the letter I recall all the times that I've been selfish. The entire time I kept on going around to people saying how much he hurt me, he did this, he left, he gave up, he let me go blahblahblah. Turns out...I was also at fault.

I was like a lost puppy, barking at everyone. Of what you did. What you didn't do...but what did I do?

I always tell people how I lose you, but...

What did I do to keep you? What did I ever do to make you stay?

It's true that while we are the hero of our own story sometimes we forget that we can also be the villain.

I'm sorry if I am shit. If i'm full of shit. I'm sorry if I have a habit of becoming something I'm not. Like acting like a wave and you being the shore no matter what happens I'll always come back to you.

And even if I don't reach you, this wave will turn to the water that goes through clouds and rains down on you. Either way..I'm always coming back. Everything just starts and ends with you. My thought in the day, my dream at night.

Austin, I want you to know that you deserve the same love you wish for others. I want you to know that you deserve a love that doesn't make you wish for another lifetime because this lifetime is already enough because you know that they will never fucking leave. I wish I told you that no one has ever treated me as nice as you did. Like how it was your birthday but you were the one who gave me a gift.

How you would do everything to make me smile and laugh,even if it means going out of your comfort zone. How I appreciate you so fucking much that if I could make an art museum all you'll ever see inside would be pictures of you. Because you are a fucking masterpiece.

You are art. And I'm sorry that just like art, it took me long to realize how beautiful you really are. And you don't deserve a love like that. If I could go back to that moment and take a time machine I'd go back to the first time I met you and bitch slap myself and say

'FOOL. If you're going to half ass love this man then leave him the fuck alone. Because no one ever deserve to be half loved. Half wanted. Half needed.'

I'm sorry... If it's too late. The train towards forever with you already left. And I was stupid enough to always think that it would always be there.

No amount of tears, apologies,regrets,can ever ever turn back time and take you back. You knew I was still somehow stuck in the past and I wasn't brave enough to face that. So you did what I couldn't do.. and I'm sorry it took me so long to understand that even you leaving was also a gift..

You gave me your all.

You loved and fucked me hardcore.

And I...

was just vanilla.

***