I Was Amity...

2

I leave school early heading home. My mom isn't home, but I didn't expect her to be, she never is. Since Owen's death my mom has spent most of her time at work. She is second in command to our faction leader Johanna. When she's not at work she's with other Amity members playing games or drawing, doing anything she thinks will make her happy. When I do see her, she is always smiling and laughing, no one but me can tell that it is forced.

I feel bad knowing I'll be leaving her all alone after the choosing ceremony tomorrow. It's as if she will be losing all the family she has left once I'm gone. People aren't allowed to move freely between the factions. Once you choose your faction you're there for life. There is a visiting day for all new initiates sometime in the first few weeks of their training. I don't think my mom will show up. She wouldn't be able to handle it, she would want a clean break from me.

I can't spend any more time pretending to be happy like my mom does every day. I hurt from the loss of my brother and the loss of my father. Though the loss of my father came nine years before my brother, both are as fresh in my mind as if they happened yesterday.

I'm thankful for the alone time I have, because for the first time today I break. I begin to cry from my discovery of being Divergent, from the loss of my father and brother, and the soon to be loss of my mom.

I allow myself to cry for a little longer before pulling myself together. I need to think about what faction to choose tomorrow. What do I want to be in life? Where do I see myself? How do I see myself? Am I selfless like Abnegation? Am I smart like Erudite? Am I brave like Dauntless? I don't know. The test was supposed to tell me and now here I am sitting in my bed more confused than when I left this morning. What do I want to be?

I drift off into a restless sleep unsure of what tomorrow will bring.

I wake up in the morning and for a second, I forget about my results and the choosing ceremony, only for all the events of yesterday to come flooding back to me. I get up and out of bed not sure if I'm ready to take on the day. I brush my hair leaving it down. I get dressed in a pair of red pants, a white tank top, and a yellow sweater. I throw on a pair of brown boots. I don't bother with makeup. I've never had much use for it when I spend most of my time sweating in the fields or running around under the sun. I have always been jealous of how Dauntless girls wear it. Each girl has on different eyeliner and shadow and the more daring girls wear dark shades of lipstick the Amity would never dream of touching.

I eat breakfast by myself since Mom is already with Johanna in anticipation of the choosing ceremony. I begin my trek to the ceremony by myself, hoping to see my mom once there one last time before I'm no longer Amity.

The walk is long but allows me to once again weigh my options for my new faction. I have firmly ruled out Amity, of course. I also ruled out Candor because I will not go the rest of my life only being able to tell the truth. While Abnegation was one of my results, I don't think I can be as selfless as I need to be. There would always be a part of me that would long for something more, something selfish. So that leaves me with Erudite and Dauntless. I was always a smart kid in school. I got mostly A's and a few times was told by teachers I was in the wrong faction, meaning I should be Erudite instead of Amity. But a part of me is still pulling me towards being dauntless. Even after all these years I still feel envious of what they have and what they get to be, happy and free.

I walk up to the Hub, the tallest building in all of Chicago. I walk towards the elevator seeing a long line of people, but a kind family of Abnegation offer me their spot and instead take the stairs. That is another reason I could never be Abnegation, that family now has to walk up twenty flights of stairs, the selfish part of me would never dream of it.

Once off the elevator I walk into the room where the ceremony will take place. Again, an Abnegation member does something selfless and holds the door for me. I walk in and begin to search for my mom. I spot her in a sea of yellow and red. She is right next to Johanna in a group of people having a conversation.

I walk over to her not caring if I interrupt, this could be that last time I see her.

"Hello, Mom", I say as I hug her, the customary greeting of Amity,

"Hello sweetie good luck today and remember I love you," Mom says.

Johanna then hugs me and says, "Emmeline Rose it's so nice to see you. I am sure you will choose whatever faction best suits you but remember Amity will always be your home."

I smile at the kind women and make my way to my spot in line.

The room is arranged like a circle. Each fraction of the circle is color coded for its faction. Not every member of each faction comes to the ceremony but there are enough for me to feel anxious from the crowd size. All these people will be waiting and staring at me when I pick my new faction soon. Along the edges stand all the sixteen-year-olds arranged in alphabetical order. I'm towards the end of the line because my last name starts with a 'W'. I'm sandwiched between an Erudite in front of me and a Dauntless behind, pretty soon I would join one of those factions. We are not full members of our society yet. Today after choosing a faction, we will become an initiate and once we complete training, we will become members.

This year it is Abnegation's turn to host the ceremony, last year was Erudite's and the year before that was Amity's. Abnegations leader, Marcus, will give the opening address and read from the list of names of the sixteen-year-olds choosing today.

Marcus stands on a stage and in front of him is a table with five bowls on top of it. In each bowl there is something that represents the factions: gray stones for Abnegation, water for Erudite, earth for Amity, lit coals for Dauntless, and glass for Candor. Once a person's name is called, they walk towards the bowls, take a knife from Marcus, and cut their hand. After you cut your hand, you let the blood drip into the bowl of your chosen faction.

The ceremony starts and everyone in the room quotes. It's time for Marcus' speech, "Welcome to the Choosing Ceremony. Welcome to the day we honor the democratic philosophy of our ancestors, which tells us that every man has the right to choose his own way in this world. Our dependents are now sixteen. They stand on the precipice of adulthood, and it is now up to them to decide what kind of people they will be. Decades ago, our ancestors realized that it is not political ideology, religious belief, race, or nationalism that is to blame for a warring world. Rather, they determined that it was the fault of human personality of humankind's inclination toward evil, in whatever form that is. They divided into factions that sought to eradicate those qualities they believed responsible for the world's disarray."

As his speech draws on, I become more anxious still unsure of which faction I'll choose.

Marcus continues, "Working together, these five factions have lived in peace for many years, each contributing to a different sector of society. But the reach of each faction is not limited to these areas. We give one another far more than can be adequately summarized. Apart from them, we would not survive. Therefore, this day marks a happy occasion, the day on which we receive our new initiates, who will work with us toward a better society and a better world."

People begin to applaud Marcus for his speech. He then begins to read the names from his list. I begin to tune out what he's saying, dropping my head. I start to have the anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach again. I feel the pressure of making my mind up on my new faction.

I semi pay attention to the people that choose before. I look up every time I hear a gasp meaning someone has chosen a different faction from the one, they were born into. Soon I would hear that same gasp.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when I hear my name, "Emmeline Rose Walsh."

I slowly make my way to the stage, feeling all eyes on me. I take the knife from Marcus, sliding it across my hand feeling the blood pool. I slowly move my hand in the direction of the bowl containing water, but at the last second move my hand above the bowl containing coals. I watch as my blood drips and sizzles on the coals of my new faction.

"Dauntless!" Marcus declares.

I hear a loud roar come from the Dauntless behind me, but when I turn around, I focus on my mom not Dauntless. I see a single tear roll down my mom's cheek and all I can do is smile at her, even though she just lost the last of the family she had. I am brave, I am Dauntless, I will make it through this.

The Dauntless born after me chooses his own faction. Dauntless cheers and the ceremony is over.