My daughter, as smart as she is, sometimes says the craziest things. This is a collection of actual quotes that came directly from her. You can't make this stuff up. I blame it on her hair.
A couple of weeks ago Lauren got real sick with sore throat and fever. Like most of us she went looking for something or someone to blame for it. She decided on the brand new bottle of Ranch Dressing she had used for her salad earlier. The conversation went something like this:
Lauren - It was the ranch dressing dad. I'm sure of it.
Me - Why do you think that was it?
Lauren - I put it in the refrigerator when we got it home from the store.
Me - So?
Lauren - It said on the bottle "refrigerate after opening".
Me - I still don't get it.
Lauren - I refrigerated it before opening. It says on the bottle to "refrigerate after opening".
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Me- No babe, I think it means that if you open it you have to refrigerate it afterwards or it will go bad. You can refrigerate it anytime before that.
Lauren - Nope that is not what it says. Refrigerate after opening. Not before, but after. I messed up.
Me - I'm pretty sure that is not at all what that means.
Lauren - I'm pretty sure it does.
Me- Look. They don't care what you do with it before you open it. You can leave it in the pantry, on the table, or you can stick it up your butt for all they care. You just can't leave it out after opening it. You have to put it in the refrigerator afterwards. Do you get it?
Lauren - You know I once heard about a guy who went to the emergency room and they found he had a live gerbil up his butt. People are weird, Dad. Weird.
