High school Sucks: But Here We Are

Jan 30 Good And Venting

So yesterday I got a text from a friend of mine who literally wrote the sweetest friendship message EVER, and what they wrote almost made me cry. Almost.

I want to show you a little bit of what they wrote, I won't say their name but I will say they literally just slapped me with kindness. And I'm the "innocent" and sweet and kind friend in our friend group and thought I was the sappier one. Guess not lol 😂 

———

Friend: Just want to thank you for being a pretty good friend. Maybe I haven't acknowledged it as much but I want you to know that your one of my best friends.

( I was going to reply back saying thank you, but my friend started spamming me with more messages. They really like to talk, even in text lol)

Friend: me and other friend were chatting... and we admit, we don't know how you're so happy and I wish I was like that. Friend said props to you.

(This part is altered since my friend showed me a screenshot of the text between them and other friend, but I didn't want to copy every text, I'm lazy I know but it's true)

Friend: I want to try and be better friends with you. Keep on being yourself! You're really cool the way you are and your an amazing friend.

———

And yeah. That's it from them, they went to sleep afterwards, but this truly made me feel better. It also reflected on how I try and encourage everyone around me to be themselves and be happy with who they are. Maybe I am rubbing off on people. 🤷‍♀️

And honestly I felt like I didn't deserve those kind messages. 

And I'm going to be honest, remember that one poem waaaay back when I first started that vented about one girl. Well that one girl is actually other friend. And I feel guilty cause I started to dislike other friend after she started two facing another best friend of mine, and I had this sense of fear that she was going to do the same to me and act two face to me too.

She was better than me in looks and socially. And all the guys had a crush on her. It felt like she was on this pedestal where she judges who she talks to or hangs out with and everyone flocked to her. She has this lunch table where her, some of her friends, and even some of my best friends would sit, whether it was gossip or whatever, there was a vibe there that made it feel like if they didn't ask if you could join their table you couldn't sit with them. And I boiled with jealousy not because I couldn't sit there but because I felt like she was taking my friends away. 

And it hurt.

A lot.

 But I hated how much I hated her. I was so ashamed of hating her, because I did know her before high school and I knew deep down she was good. But all I saw were masks and layers that made me dislike her. And I hated myself for that.

But she sees me as a good person. Even though I always feared she would stab me in the back if we were friends. And I feel guilty for disliking her so much. 

Maybe  she is changing. I honestly don't know. I hope she is. I believe anyone can be good so I really hope so.

Well I'm going to bed. Love you all and keep waking up so you can see that gorgeous face in the mirror (aka yours)

Question of the day: Who helped be the person you are today? Whether in personality, mentality, or physical help, who helped you along the way who maybe rubbed off a little of them in you. 

Cia Bella!