Personal Chef

Chapter 100

Shawn got up early and went to the gym. I fed Cady some cereal, packed up a diaper bag full of food, bottles, and necessities, and drove over to my parents' place which was only about ten minutes away. They had pretty much everything you'd need for an infant since my brother's family had visited several times, so I knew Cady would be fine there several hours or more. I hoped Shawn and I wouldn't have to talk for too long, though given what I'd been hiding, it could take a while to hash through it all.

"Do you and Shawn have something fun planned?" my mom asked after I'd gotten the baby settled on the floor with my dad.

"Not really," I answered. "We just need some time alone."

My mother gave me a sympathetic look. "Parenthood can be really hard on a marriage. I'm glad you and Shawn are taking some time to focus on each other."

She was clearly trying to tell me that she knew something was up without prying into our life. If it had been obvious to Paige, our parents had undoubtedly noticed things were off, too.

"I'll text you before I come get her," I said as I bent over and kissed my sweet baby goodbye. "Thank you for watching her."

"Take as long as you need. Your dad and I are going to have a blast with our granddaughter."

I went home, took a quick shower, and got dressed. As I was finishing my make-up, Shawn walked in.

"I'll be quick," he said as he started to strip down in front of me.

It killed me a little that I could look at him naked and know that he was perfection yet feel nothing. He was so fucking sexy, but I didn't even feel a twinge of arousal. I was scared of the possibility that I might never lust after my husband again. I had to try my hardest to get my hormones back in order with hopes my desire would come back.

I'd nursed Cady this morning, but I wasn't pumping at all today. As much as it hurt me, I'd made the decision to reduce breastfeeding. My plan was to nurse her in the morning and at night. She could take formula and get solid food during the day. I was hoping that this, paired with going off the pill, would help get my hormones back to normal. If it didn't change anything, I'd wean her completely. Breastfeeding was healthy and something I valued, but my marriage was more important right now. She'd be perfectly healthy and happy with an alternative.

I realized I was staring at Shawn as he showered and felt embarrassed when he caught my eyes on him through the glass. Making a hasty exit, I went to the kitchen to get myself something to drink. There was one advantage of my nursing decision; I could go back to my daily cup or two of coffee.

After a bit, Shawn joined me.

"Coffee?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'll explain when we talk," I said as I walked over to the dining room table with my drink and a low-fat yogurt.

Shawn grabbed a muffin and a coffee for himself and joined me.

"Where should we start?" I asked.

"First I need to apologize about flying to New York without telling you."

I'd calmed down about the New York trip, but that didn't mean I was happy with what he'd done.

"It hurt that you shut me out like that. We're partners, and you can't just fly off without telling me, leaving me alone with the baby," I said.

"You're right. I won't ever do that again," he said. "While we're talking about things I fucked up, let's move on to Andrew's text."

"I really need to know why you went ahead and booked tour dates before we came to an agreement," I said.