the circus she wrote

chapter9

I hang on to little pieces of what I was. I know it's long gone but I have to take it easy cause it hurts. gabe told me that he loved me by the water fountain. I told him that I loved him and didn't love anyone else. Maybe I fell in love to young and I'm being punished for it. It's been a month now. The showman gave us a calender that marked its self. It was December 29, 2005 when I was kidnapped. According to the calender today was January 31, 2006. Our first performance was tomorrow. We practiced every two days. The showman told us not to bother trying to tell someone that we are kidnapped, everyone already knew. The audience worked for the showman. 

He always yelled and said we were a waste of his time. I remember we went to bed and woke up at 4 in the morning. It took us four hours to get ready. The audience started to arrive at 8:30 we started the show. The showman introduced us and then he sang a song he said" oh she's sweet but a psycho just a little bit psycho. She will make you curse or blush. You will play all g and let her lead you on. You will be saying no but at the end of the night you will be saying yes because she's messing with your head. Your friends will be telling you run don't walk away. " I stopped listening after that I had to focus. He was basically reciting the lyrics to Sweet But Psycho by Ava Max. It was a musical for him. He had a song for each of us.

Ashlee:sweet but psycho, my way
Penny: let me down slowly, wild things
Jerry: let me down slowly, boy in a bubble

We all moved to the rhythm. Even the lions they performed to the rhythm. When Jerry and penny flew through the air it as magical. They never fell, they were flying through the stadium. Her finger tips could almost brush against the top of the tent. It was beautiful. We still had two more performances unroll we could get out of here. One and a half more months. Everyday was getting harder. My heart fell to my stomach every time I saw the dead girl in the corner. I was nervous to look at my bruises. I couldn't look at myself anymore. I lost my humanity.