Rag doll

Chapter 5

Ashton's words were still ringing in my head, as I laid in bed, struggling to sleep. Was he just giving me false hope, what did he mean.

I decided to walk for a bit, Poppy had told me I could stay up late in the living room as long as i am quite.

I rolled over, I had totally miscalculated how close I was to the edge and rolled straight off the edge "Shit" I mumbled to myself, picking myself up and rubbing my knee. I was definitely physically exhausted if only my brain got the memo. 

I walked out my room trying not to make any sound, I tiptoed my way to the living room. Luckily no one was in there.

I fell back onto the couch and thought of my much loved copy of 'looking for Alaska'. It was my favourite book and it had been for years.

I read it when I couldn't sleep which happened to be pretty much every night. I had highlighted all the quotes I liked, made notes and drawn doodles all of the book.

I stared at the black tv and thought about the book, I had read it some much I could practically quote most of it.

I had somehow fallen asleep curled up on the sofa, I was awoken by someone entering the room, it was still dark outside and I had put no lights on, so I couldn't see who the person was.

The mystery person noticed me as they sat on a sofa on the other side of the room. I kept my eyes closed.

"Ava is that you ?" Luke I think asked. I squinting slightly subtly to try see who it was without giving away I was awake l.

I didn't think coming here in the middle of the night was against some rule I hadn't heard yet but I didn't want to be alone talking to Luke so it was the best option.

"Are you asleep?" Luke whispered walking up to me. I tried to act naturally "I guess you are, god Ava I'm sorry"

Did Luke just apologies to me, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't understand these men, they didn't seam happy with what they did to us while still enforcing their stupid rules upon us.

Luke went and sat back in his seat, he started to tap him fingers on the couch arm. It was slightly annoying but I still fell back off to sleep.

~~~~~~~

I woke up and could feel how much my neck hurt where I had slept crooked.

I got up and when to the bathroom, I put a warm flannel on my neck and brushed my teeth, I went back to my room and looked at my clock, it was only 5 o'clock, I climbed in my bed and tried to sleep again but I just rolled and rolled and  I couldn't sleep.

I laid away till my alarm when off and I met up with the girls and picked what to wear, I then went an got dressed, put some make up on, did my hair with my bow, and placed my gloves on.

I met with the other girls again and we went to make breakfast.

"So what's wrong with you ?" Lucy asked making some fresh orange juice.

"Nothing much, I just fell like i'm in a nightmare, i just don't know how long I can keep going like this. I just want to wake up and end this hell" I was cut off.

"But you're not going to wake up, are you ?, this nightmare is real life and it's not going to change" Lucy shrugged not sugar coating the situation anymore.

"I can't do this" I cried closing my eyes tight, imagining what she said wasn't true.

"We need to go, its 8:30" she whispered. I blinked back the tears tried to fake a smile.

We plated up the food and took it to the boys.

I knocked on the door, "come in" a tired voice spoke.

"Here" I said kissed his cheeks and placing the tray down.

"Okay, let my think" he said wipping his cheek, to try wake him up. " I need clothes, my boots and I can you get me different towels, the ones i've got are scratchy"

"Sure" I nodded getting on with his requests.

Once I had completed my morning responsibilities. I went back to my room and fell asleep for a while, remembering to set my alarm again to wake up to make lunch.

I hated this routine more and more each day.

~~~~~~~~

We were all sat at the dinner table eating, I was still so tired and had stayed pretty quite. I could feel luke looking at me.

"I saw you in the tv room last night, Ava" Luke announced causing everyone to turn and stare at me. I felt exposed in that moment I didn't know if i was being snitched on or it was simply a conversations started.

"Yeah, I umm couldn't sleep, so I went to watch tv and I fell asleep... that was okay right ?" I asked really hoping it would be.

"Yeah, you were asleep when I walked in, I didn't want to wake you so left"

The confusion i felt surly must have shown on my face. Luke had been considerate toward me, I couldn't understand why.

"oh thank you " I smiled looking down at my plate.

"Ava are you going to eat that, you have hardly eaten" Ashton asked giving me a concerned look "you haven't eaten much at all, since you got here"

"I'm not really hungry, but thank you it's delicious" I said politely, moving a carrot around my plate.

"Okay. I want you to eat though okay" He said sternly "You need to be healthy to be happy"

I couldn't think of anything to reply, I felt completely dead and rotten inside i hadn't been able to bring myself to have much of an appetite.

I definitely knew that food wasn't the thing to bring my happiness in this situation.