Unloved

Nine

R A C H E L

 I don't know why, but I feel a bit guilty for what I did to Megan. It's not like she deserved it - she was just being herself. So far, no one has noticed my antics of missing various camp activities. Camp is kind of boring. I tried talking to my grandmother - but she was too busy. The guilt is eating me too much. I guess the best way to get rid of it is to apologize to Megan. That's a good idea... except that I have never had to apologize to anyone - it's always the other way round. I guess I'll just have to be brave and apologize.

 I know this may sound crazy but, I kind of miss Megan. Not like I miss teasing her, she was very active and I'm sure everyone misses her as much as I do. Lots of people have already visited Megan, sending goodwill messages and gifts.

 Clearly, she was loved and accepted by quite a number of people.  I don't remember the last time my friends ever gave me any gifts. Maybe they didn't think I needed gifts - because I already had enough things already. I wonder what the fuss is all about, it's not like she's sick or anything. I guess that everyone's worried about her- she could have easily died (thanks to me). I feel so ashamed. I know I shouldn't have done that.  I seriously have to get the apologizing thing done with.

  I have been thinking of the whole apologizing thing for a long time. I finally did it when Megan was in her room that morning. I knocked lightly on the brown wooden door.

"Come in", Megan said.

I entered. I noticed many parcels and envelopes scattered on her bed. Megan looked surprised to see me. I wasn't shocked. I myself didn't know what I was doing here. Oh! I was here to apologize for what I did. Okay, I was a bit nervous.

"Hey", I said awkwardly. I looked for somewhere to sit. I sat on the bed opposite Megan's. She didn't reply.

"Uh--I see that you have had a lot of visitors", I continued.

"Yeah", Megan said. She looked at all her gifts affectionately.

"What are you doing here?" Megan asked me. Her brown eyes stared into mine.

I gulped. I saw it coming. I had to just get this thing done and over with.

"Uh.. I... I just want to say sorry", I said remorsefully.

"Sorry for what?" Megan asked.

"For pushing you into the pool. I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have done that and... you didn't have a life jacket.. and.. you could have easily died... and... and", I stuttered.

"Rachel. It's okay. I forgive you", Megan said.

"You what?" I asked.

"I said I forgive you", Megan replied.

"Aren't you mad at me?" asked.

"No.. well... yes, but it was a mistake and anyways, why should I hold a grudge against you for what you did? You're sorry and that's all that really matters", Megan explained.

"Oh. Okay", I said.

"Don't I owe you something?" I asked.

"No", Megan replied.

"I could tell everyone that I was the one who did it and not you. I'll take the blame", I said.

"No. You don't have to do all that. It's fine, really", Megan told me.

There was an awkward silence after a few minutes.

"I think I have to leave now", I said. I left the room and went out to get some fresh air.

Ah! At last! I was done with the apologizing thingy. Now to get some rest.

My thoughts of resting were not to become a reality as I heard the bell ringing in the distance. The ringing of the bell signaled that it was time for camp activities. I groaned. Camp activities. That was the only thing on the schedule I did not miss.

 As I was heading towards wherever the other girls were going, I saw a list on the notice board that noted the awards which would be awarded on the last night of camp. As I scanned through the list, I saw an award called The Excellence Award for the person who was the most outstanding and was actively involved with everything at camp. I got it! I knew just the perfect way to totally remove the guilt that was still eating me up.

☀☀☀☀☀

The small, blue lake sat quietly near the shore. Our camp activity that day was fishing. We were paired up and the group that would catch the most fish was promised permission to  be excused from the daily tasks. This got everybody psyched up and everyone was competing to catch plenty fishes. I just stood there looking at them, totally not wanting to participate in this.

"Rachel, you're just standing there. Go and help your partner", Dawn told me. Seriously? Did she expect me to touch that old, rusty fishing pole?

"I don't fish", I said.

"Well, you could help with the bait", Dawn said. She was obviously not giving up on convincing me to participate.

"You mean those worms?" I asked, wanting to puke just at the thought of them.

"Yes, exactly", Dawn patted my shoulder and walked on.

Who did these people think I was? Clearly, they thought I was just like them. But they were so wrong. I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I agreed to be a part of the Christian Summer School. Oh well, I shrugged and made my way to Hailey, my fishing partner. Out of nowhere, a redhead who was carrying a bucket of crabs bumped into me. 

Those little sea creatures pinched and bit me and they tore at the zebra - print t-shirt and black leggings I was wearing. I screamed loudly and after some time, two boys were able to get those crabs off me. The unfortunate thing was that I was sore by the time those crabs were finally off me. Not to mention angry.

Very angry. I walked towards Hailey to give her a good scolding.

"Do you know how much this outfit costs?" I asked angrily. Not that the price bothered me but I had to teach her a lesson.

"I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean to..." Hailey started to say, but I cut her off.

"Can't you watch where you are going? You know what, I hate this stupid camp and I hate all of you!" I didn't hesitate to say and stormed off. Everybody was just staring at me in disbelief as I walked off.

"Rachel, wait!" Dawn cried out, trying to stop me.  I ignored her and just walked off, leaving everybody with their jaws wide-open.

 I walked quickly towards my bunk, the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. Why was I crying? It's Hailey who was supposed to be crying, not me! I banged the door and just lay on my bed, crying. Some minutes later, I heard someone's footsteps and unknowingly, Dawn was standing right in front of me. I was surprised to see her here.

"Hey", Dawn said.

I didn't respond and so she went on.

"Rachel, what's wrong with you?! It was just an accident. You should apologize to her", Dawn stated firmly.

"I  have to apologize to her? No, she has to apologize to me", I said.

Dawn didn't say anything. She only looked at me in disgust and walked away. I had to have a serious discussion with my grandmother. I hated this summer camp and wanted to leave here as soon as possible.