Unloved

Fifteen

     

R A C H E L

   After waiting for ages, Granny finally finished with all her work. She gently nudged me and I woke up instantly. I was surprised to see Granny standing right in front of me.

"Psst. Rachel, it's time to go home", Granny told me.

i nodded and got up groggily from the sofa I was sitting on. I looked at my suitcases on the floor.

"So I have to carry all these?" I asked no one in particular.

Granny nodded and smiled at me.

"That's what you get for not taking the bus".

"I wouldn't take the bus if it were the last means of transportation on earth!"

Even though it took a while, finally, I put all my suitcases in the car's trunk. I hated carrying anything and although the distance to my Granny's office to the car wasn't very far, it felt like I had walked for miles. It was a very long ride back home because there was a lot of traffic. Maybe Granny was right, I really should have taken the bus. But my firstt ever experience on the bus wasn't pleasant at all and I wouldn't want to have that experience again. Hours later, we finally arrived home. I hated the fact that I had to go through all the process of carrying all my heavy suitcase to my bedroom which was quite a long journey. When I stepped into the room, I immediately dropped my suitcase on the floor. And it wasn't because they were heavy or anything but because my mother was sitting on the couch watching television.

"How did she - What is she doing here?" I sputtered.

"Rachel, please calm down", Granny said.

"How can I calm down when she is sitting here? Wait, you knew about this?" I asked.

"Rachel, I can explain", Mom said.

"I don't need any explanation, Mom! Ugh! How could you visit without telling me?" I uttered in frustration.

     I stormed off to my room very angry. How could Mom be here? I was so not ready to talk to her. And why didn't Granny tell me about all this? I threw the fluffy white pillow I was sitting on at the door, trying to let out all my wrath and annoyance at my mom. I heard a knock on the door. I rolled my eyes. Didn't she understand that  I was in no mood to talk to her?

"Don't come in", I said.

The door creaked open and my mom's face appeared behind the door.

"Rachel, we need to talk", Mom said.

"Mom, we have nothing to talk about! I don't even know what you're doing here!" I screamed.

"Rachel, I'm serious. First thing in the morning we will talk and I mean it!" Mom said and slammed the door in my face.

Tears started streaming into my face as I lazily got into bed. My mom didn't understand anything about me. I didn't want to talk to her because i knew it would end in an argument as usual. What did she even want to talk to me about? What was so important to make her travel all the way from New York down here? I couldn't wait for tomorrow to end.

      Sunlight streamed from the window to my face. I looked at my alarm clock. 7:00 a.m. I didn't want to face Mom or Granny this morning. I did my morning things and went to the kitchen to have my breakfast. Mom was also in the kitchen. I avoided eye contact with her and instead concentrated on eating my breakfast of scrambled eggs and coffee. After I finished eating, I headed towards my bedroom but Mom stopped me

"Rachel, I need to have a word with you".

A word? More like thousand. No, scratch that. A million. No, infinity words. I was prepared for anything.

"Fine. Let's talk outside so that, you know, we would not break anything".

Mom nodded and we made our way outside. The cool breeze hit me as soon as I stepped outside. I was always in a room or something. We sat on the wooden chairs placed outside. There was a very awkward silence between us.

"Rachel, I'm so, so sorry for yelling at you last night. That was so... horrible of me".

"No. It was just a normal reaction, Mom. It's perfectly normal. I yelled at you and you yelled back. There's nothing wrong with that".

"Rachel, this is what always happens. And I don't want it to continue this way. i just want us to have a healthy relationship with no arguments and no fights. I want us to have a conersation without arguing".

"Wow. Very impressive. And how do you think you're going to do that?"

"First, I would move in to this house and live with you".

"What??!"

"I said I would move ---"

"I know what you said but really? Are you serious?"

"Yes, i am, Rachel. I thought you would be excited about this".

"So did I. I've always wanted you to live with me but now that I think about it, it's just not gong to work, Mom. It's not going to work. It's just that a lot of things have been changing in my life lately and... no, no. This won't work".

"Changes will always occur, Rachel and you can't stop it. Just give it a try, okay?"

"Sure. Are we done now?"

"No. We need to talk about your father".

"My father. Right. The father I don't know anything about".

"Rachel, I.. I don't know what to say".

"It's okay, Mom. Just talk".

"I think I need to tell you the truth. The truth about everything. I've just been hiding it from you for too long".

"No, Mom. Don't tell me anything about Dad. Please don't".

"But why?"

"I guess it's because I've always painted a perfect picture of my dad and I don't want anything to ruin it".

"But I still want to tell you the truth".

"Fine. Go on".

"Okay. So your dad and I met in high school. We got married after ewe graduated from college. i was pregnant and gave birth to you. After I gave birth to you, I don't really know what happened but we always had these arguments and fights. So, we had a divorce".

"And what about the fact that you left me with Granny while you were never home?'

"I'm a supermodel, Rachel. I travel a lot. That's why I'm moving in".

"Ok. What about Dad? Why didn't he visit me?"

"He would have to answer that himself. I don't know. Maybe he's just too busy. But that's not the point, Rachel. The point is I've been a horrible mother and I just want you to.... I want you to forgive me for everything".

"I forgive you, Mom. It was so hard when suddenly you became a supermodel and had no time for me. it was so difficult for me. I cried myself to sleep because I felt you just didn't love me enough to just spend time with me. But, Mom.. I forgive you".

"Rachel, I didn't  know all this. I'm so sorry", Mum said as she pulled me into a hug.

Tears welled up in my eyes.I had learnt so much about forgiveness from Megan. I was so mean to her and she was so nice to me even when I didn't deserve it.  I pulled away from the hug.

"Okay, then. I'll move in in about a month".

    I nodded and we headed back to the house. I was so worn out from talking to Mom and pouring my heart out to her. I waved goodbye to my mum and went to my bedroom. I lay on my bed, just staring at the ceiling. I needed someone to talk to. After the conversation with Mum, I realized I needed to talk to someone. I couldn't keep all these emotions inside me. I needed to pour my heart out to someone. Someone who would listen to me. Someone who understands. I mentally scanned through all the people I knew. I've got it! I know exactly the person to talk to.