Who's Fault?

Chapter Twenty

Walking onto campus everyday was a nightmare. I tried to keep my head down and stay away from everybody, but I just felt like they were looking at, talking about, and judging me. I was miserable and I didn't know what else to do besides isolate myself. Even from my friends, I felt like they thought that I was a shitty person and didn't believe my side of the story. It even seemed like Chloe felt that way too. Everything was just becoming too much for me to handle. I didn't know how to process everything properly. I just got stuck going in circles, never coming to any kind of solution about anything.

Ninety percent of my time I was too distracted from anything that I was supposed to be doing at the time. Whether it was from flashbacks or the potential of Xavier still watching me or Eli or what the hell I was gonna do about this child growing inside me.

It was the same every day. I'd go to class and keep my head down. I tried to stay away from everyone I knew. I sat in the farthest seat from Eli in the class we shared together. I'd always catch glimpses of him walking through the halls and all that pain would resurface. The ache in my chest never went away, but it was painful remembering what happened and how he just gave up so easily.

Xavier seemed to mostly ignore me. Which was weird, but then again nothing he did ever made sense. And for all I knew he could have always had his eyes on me. I was also constantly worried he was gonna try something when I wasn't paying attention. We didn't have classes together anymore, but sometimes we would catch eyes in a hallway and he would give me looks that made me want to vomit. I couldn't put the blame on anyone else but me though, so I'm the one who had to deal with the consequences of it.

I'd considered withdrawing from my classes seeing that I barely had the energy for them, but the semester was basically over anyway; I just had to take the last of my finals. I was so close to not having to deal with school and the added pressures it brought and I couldn't wait.

I made Max promise me that he wouldn't tell anyone what I told him. Not even his sister. All she knew was that we broke up because Xavier somehow convinced Eli that I had cheated on him. There were only two people who knew. Me and Max. And that's the way I intended for it to stay.

All my time at home was spent bundled up with that comforter around me on the couch; legs up to my chest, head resting on my knees. Usually caught up in thoughts that went around and around in my head. I was too scared to sleep because every time I closed my eyes I saw things I didn't want to remember.

Max was staying with me at my house now. He wouldn't admit to it, but I think I scared him with the way I had acted that day and how I had been acting since—I didn't say anything at all; unless I was being spoken to, in which case my replies were always fairly short. I knew for a fact he was scared I might do something completely stupid and impulsive. He was worried for me and as much as I liked having the company and not being alone, it made me feel like a child and so damn guilty for pulling him away from his regular routine and everyday life. He still went to work and all that, but outside of that every second that I was home, not working or at school, he was there. He did a good job of hiding his intentions but I knew him too well to be ignorant of what he was really doing.

I walked out of my last class of the day feeling mentally drained. I went out of my way to avoid people, but somehow I still got stopped by Chloe before I made it to the safety of my car. "I gotta talk to you," she stated simply.

I didn't want to talk; I didn't have the energy for it, "Another time? I'm exhausted."

"I really need to do this now. It's important," she said, urgently.

"What now?"

"Did you really fuck Xavier and cheat on Eli?" She got straight to the point, she was so closed off from me, like we had never been friends.