Who's Fault?

Chapter Thirteen

Eli and I stayed at the cemetery for a little while longer, only leaving when the sun began to set. I thought Eli would take me home, but instead he drove to the beach. We walked barefoot in the sand for a bit, before sitting down watching the waves crash on the shore.

"Wren," Eli started. We were facing each other now, he held my hands in his, and made sure to keep eye contact with me. "You are a unique person... in the best way. You are creative, caring, and funny and probably the most determined person I've ever met. I may not know the details, but I know life has been hard on you, yet you always make sure everyone else is okay. You know you are an amazing person, right?"

"Stop that, I am not." I argued.

"That is what people see when they talk to you and hang around you. But there are things I don't know about you, because you're used to keeping them to yourself and that's okay. It's okay to want to hold onto things only for you. If something is hurting you though, or bothering you, you need to tell someone. I don't care if it's me, or Max, or Chloe, or anyone else. You should tell someone."

"Eli, I-"

He didn't give me the chance to finish though, "hold on, Wren. Listen to me. I like you a lot and you mean so much to me. I hate seeing you hurt in anyway, and I couldn't even imagine being the cause of that hurt. So, I'm gonna ask this once and I hope you trust me enough to answer truthfully; whether you do or not, I won't ask any more questions."

He took a minute to pause, like he really wanted me to think about what my decision would be. I always wanted to be as honest as I could with him, but it all depended on the question. Sometimes being honest didn't mean explaining the how's and why's, "okay."

"Are you okay, Birdie?"

That stopped my train of thought in its tracks. This was not the question I was expecting; I was thinking maybe a "why" or something along the lines of a "what's been hurting you?" Not "are you okay." And when I thought about it, I discovered that I was so immersed in pretending all the time, that even when I did mess up, I hadn't even realized that's what it was. What I meant by that was, I had convinced myself that everything I had been going through recently was all a part of being okay.

As I came to that conclusion, everything began to become too much and I once again found myself bawling my eyes out as I shook my head back and forth in response to him.

Eli wrapped me up in his arms similar to how he had earlier. Though he seemed talkative a few minutes earlier, he didn't seem like he wanted to do much talking himself in that moment.

"The whole ride home from the hospital, I was upset about leaving dad like that. But my mom ignored me... until we got home. She practically yelled at me that he was dead and rushed to her room. It was so cruel to phrase it that way to a child." It was quiet for a while before I spoke again, "she couldn't even look at me after, much less take care of me. My grandmother took care of me the day of the funeral. I haven't seen any family since; I don't even remember who they are anymore."

I sat back up to face him and told him more about my mom; how she neglected me as a child and bought my silence with a credit card and my own space. How Max was always protective of me, since day one. "I haven't talked to my mom, or seen her really, in years."

"It must be like she's a whole different person than she was before your dad, huh?" Eli observed. I only nodded in response. "You've been on your own for a long time. That's not fair."

That's not even the half of it.

"Can I be honest with you?" Eli asked me.

"Of course you can."