Who's Fault?

Chapter Twenty-One

As much as I didn't want to do what I was about to, it needed to be done. My 18 week pregnant belly was starting to get noticeable—I couldn't really hide it anymore—and I could barely make it through any of my shifts without collapsing. I followed behind Colleen, hating that things had to be this way. She made her way to the office and sat down behind the desk, motioning for me to sit as well. It was even more nerve wracking for me because this was not something I'd ever had to do before.

Colleen just smiled at me before asking me how I was doing and what I needed to talk with her about; "well... I'm okay. Thanks, but I'm here to put in my two weeks. I have a lot going on in my personal life at the moment and, although I love working here and all the people, it's becoming extremely difficult to balance everything out properly."

Her smile faltered a bit as I handed her the envelope, and she sighed before speaking, "I'm sorry to hear that, Wren. You're an extremely hard worker and we'll miss having you here." She paused for a moment seemingly contemplating her next words then said, "well, if you ever change your mind, you're more than welcome to always come back to us."

"Thank you for understanding." I said, she was typing away on the computer. We worked out what day would be my last and finished up quickly.

As I was heading out of the building I caught a glimpse of Xavier. His eyes were roaming over me and I almost stopped in my tracks and turned to walk in the other direction. But somehow I held my ground and continued walking towards where he was seated (which also happened to be the same direction as the door). Xavier began to get up and make his way towards me. I moved as close as I could to one side of the walkway out of his way and looked away from him. My heartbeat was through the roof at this point, but I was trying so hard to remain calm.

As he passed me, his arm brushed mine and his hand latched to my shoulder for a couple seconds. Anyone who may have been watching could have seen it as a friendly gesture to say "excuse me" as we were passing each other, but I knew his intentions were to upset me. And it worked. Because all that went through my head was the one thing I'd been actively trying to forget. It seemed I never could.

I fought the tears as I walked outside and once I made it to the safety of my car, I couldn't stop them from falling. Max was sitting in the driver's seat, most likely confused as hell as to what was going on, but he just rubbed my back trying to comfort me until I calmed down a bit, "what's wrong?"

"I can't.. I can't do this anymore, Maxie. This shit's too hard and I don't have the energy anymore. It's too much."

"You can. You can do it. You're so strong. The strongest person I know. You can do this."

I didn't bother responding to him, too lost in my own thoughts. By the time we made it home, my heart was in pieces and I was in such a depressive state I wasn't sure when I'd be able to get myself out of it.

I slowly made my way up the stairs and into my room. I rolled onto my side on my bed, facing the wall, and let everything I had been holding back for so long out.

The sobs wracked through my whole body, causing me to shake. All the frustration and pain, just couldn't seem to be contained. I felt like screaming.

I can't do this anymore.

I didn't know how to handle all the turmoil my head and body was being put through most of my days.

I sat up and threw the pillows that were on my bed across the room as hard as I could. I huffed in frustration as it hadn't helped.

I hate this. I hate this. I HATE THIS.

I hated who I was now. I hated that I was a product of the shitty things that happened in my life. I hated that I was a liar and ruined one of the best things I'd ever had. I hated that it was my fault that things were this way.