Perfectly Wrong || Shawn M.

Part 22

"Are you mad at me?" Shawn said in a weak voice.

I stared at him in disbelief.

"Am I mad at you? Are you mad at me?" I said, repeating what he had just asked me.

His face fell, his frown lines showing in the lighting. I subconsciously mirrored his actions, my expression shifting to upset as my head drooped downwards.

"Why would I be mad?" Shawn said as if the question were impossible to answer.

"Because..." I started, not bothering to explain why as the thoughts ran through my head.

"Baby, smile." He said softly, his voice like a song. I lifted my head to let him get a good glimpse of my face.

"Make me." I responded without showing any emotion.

Shawn walked up to me, opening his arms widely before engulfing me in his comforting embrace. I buried my face into his chest as he cuddled me.

"I fucking love you. I love you so, so, so much." Shawn mumbled into my hair.

My comfort faded slightly after his comment. It's not that I was upset or disappointed, far from it. I simply still felt guilty that I was one that he loved. There are hundreds of millions of gorgeous, amazing women that he could've fallen for, but he fell for me. I was so undeserving of his love and him in general. I was undeserving of everything I had and I knew it. I had just kissed his best friend, for God's sake.

"I-"

"I'm not finished." Shawn interrupted me. I didn't say anything, not a peep.

"I thought about it over the months. I thought I was being ridiculous when I told you I loved you for the first week. But, now I get it. I finally saw you. I love you." Shawn finished.

I stayed silent again. There was nothing good that I could say. I couldn't say "I love you too", because I still didn't know the truth about my feelings. I couldn't tell him about that either, I was fearful of his response.

"Shawn, you don't mean that. You're drunk." I said, still nuzzled in his warmth.

His grip on me suddenly loosened before his hands trailed around my body and found their way to each of my shoulders as he stepped back. I felt the cold California breeze brushing against my skin and clothing, causing the stray strands of thread on my jean shorts to tickle my thighs and make me shiver.

"You don't understand. I love you. I love you. I love you so much, Leila." Shawn repeated, looking into my eyes, desperate to get a satisfying response.

"Okay..." Was all that could come out. I couldn't say it. I couldn't lead him on or lie to him. He meant too much.

It was also the situation I had with trust issues. I can't bring myself to talk about my problems, unless on rare occasion someone manages to squeeze the answers out of me. But this wasn't one of those rare occasions. This wasn't even a situation that had the possibility of being one of those rare occasions.

"I don't care if you don't love me. I love you." Shawn said again, slowly sinking to his knees as his hands travelled down to my waist.

He gently pulled me into him at his kneeling state, the side of his head meeting my stomach as I looked down at the beautiful boy below me, wondering how I got so lucky.

As he hugged me, I ran my fingers through his shiny brown curls. The front wasn't as plush as the back, I could even describe it as a little stiff, but it was comforting to mess with his hair a bit.