I didn't wake up Galilee. I just ate breakfast and went back to my room. Galilee wasn't there which ment she was in the shower. I layed back down on my bed and closed my eyes and started thinking about the time before I was here. My mind went to about four days before at my showchoir concert. It was a Thursday after school. My great grandma, grandma, mom, uncle, aunt, dad, step mom, and brother had come. My showchoir friends were all getting ready to preform. I was embarrassed. I spotted my family in the crowd and refrained from eye contact. During the concert I tried to do good, but I don't know. Afterwards I went to go see my grandma's and mom. I said hi and gave them hugs, took a few pictutes, and gave them more hugs. I then thanked them for coming and gave them a hug to say goodbye. I gave my mom one last hug before she left. I then went over to my aunt and uncle and thanked them for coming and gave them a hug before they left. Lastly I went over to my dad, step mom, and brother and asked my dad if he could help take down the risers. I then made my way back to the group. I had multiple random people say I did really good. I thanked them but on the inside I was embarrassed. I got back to the group and we took down the risers. It was funny to see that my dad was taking orders from Ben, a boy in showchoir that happens to be friend. After that we all packed up our stuff and went home. When I got home I took a shower and got ready for bed. Then my dad and step mom came in and they looked sad. My heart started to race and my dad's face turned red and my stepmother started to cry. I thought someone must have died or something. Then my dad layed my suicide notes on my lap. I thought these were underneath my bed? Did the search my room? Why did they read them? How could they invade my privacy like that? I just stared at them blankly. No emotion. I then took my notes, crumpled them up, and put them in my dresser. Then, I looked my dad and stepmom in the eyes, and asked "Why would you do this, why would you read my thoughts, my emotions. Why would you invade my privacy like that." They just looked at me like they've seen the ghost. They walked out of my room closing the door carefully. I didn't get any sleep that night. The next morning I had to go to my therapist, I was supposed to be back at school just in time for second hour. When we went into the therapy room, my dad and mom bombarded the therapist with questions about my mental health. And how I wrote the notes. I only wrote notes to four people. I think they might have been offended that I didn't write one for them. Personally, I don't think I have any friends. Others would say differently. Others, I would say I'm just trying to be dramatic, or say I'm just trying to get attention. What's the point of that? Why would I want attention? I took a deep breath. While my parents were talking to my therapist I went to my own space my head. I started thinking about the four people that I wrote the notes to. I would say they're more acquaintances than friends. But obviously they are more than acquaintances because I wrote notes to them. It surprises me why I didn't write any for my family. Because, honestly I think they're the only ones that would miss me just a little bit. My dad he always says what would the world be like without me. But people die every day. Nobody lives forever. I can tell you what would happen if I died. People would mourn for a month. People would maybe shed a few tears. But then, people would forget. People would get over it. It's okay to go do something like that in your life I think. I think I say I don't have any friends, because I don't want something to stay for. I want to go. I would be more happy if I did, the only reason why I stay is to make the people in my life happy. But what's the point of that if there's only one way I can be happy, and people would rather die than let me do that. Tyler, Christine, destiny, and Joe. Those are the four people I wrote the notes to. They are not even my best friends. God, I barely even know them. But, I think they were one of the few reasons that I haven't already done it. My therapist had asked me a question. I hadn't listened to it. So I simply said "What" she then asked if she could talk to me alone. And I told her everything that was on my chest. It was just coming out of my mouth, I barely even knew what I was saying. At the end of the conversation she asked me if I could sign a safety contract. I stared at the thing for about 10 minutes. And came to the decision that I couldn't. I couldn't sign it. I throw up, on purpose, it's an addiction. I couldn't just stop. How can I not hurt myself. All I do is hurt myself. How? She then said she didn't feel comfortable with me going home. She said that it would be against her oath to let me go home. So she then called the ambulance. I went to the emergency room of Mercy Hospital. I was there for over 12 hours. Then I got accepted into Abbott's courage Kenny unit. Or something. I don't remember. After that everything went by in a blur. I just wish but I couldn't remember it. I just wish, that I was dead.
YOU ARE READING
Looney Bin
Non-FictionAlly, is a normal teenage girl on the outside. But on the inside, she doesn't know what she is. She is scared and alone. What will she do to get out of the mess she has made.
