10. numb

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5 months later.
I wake up in a cold sweat sobbing. I'm in my own uncomfortable bed. I look to the left and read the time on my digital clock. 3:53. I rub my eyes, and squeeze my hands into a tight fist. My nails are cutting into my skin. I close my eyes, a picture of a man clouds my vision. I open my eyes again and let out another sob. I slowly get up and exit my room, and take the closest left to enter my bathroom. I cautiously close the door, praying that my family didn't hear it. I slowly turn around, and I am frightened of the reflection in the mirror. I lean up against the door and sob. I feel everything as I inhale, pain, guilt, fear. As I exhale the emotions don't exit with that breath. I quickly run to the toilet and throw up all of the nothing in my stomach. I flush the toilet and slowly get up using the bathtub and the counter as support. I find my way back to my bed and collapse on to my mattress thinking about everything that I have lately lost. I fall asleep dreaming of nothing.

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