Straight To You

twelve

When Friday finally rolls around, I'm still not even sure I want to go to the party Lana has been begging me to attend with her. I mean, it's kind of embarrassing, but I've never actually been to a party before. I've never really been given the opportunity to go to one with . . . everything else that goes on in my life.

I guess that's why I'm so nervous when it comes to the thought of going out. I don't know what to expect. I mean, movies and TV depict parties to be these wild and crazy things full of teenagers making bad decisions, and I'm not very good at wild or crazy.

"Hey, Dad," I find myself saying out of nowhere, surprising myself. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, kiddo," Dad replies from across the table, finishing up his breakfast. "What's up?"

"There's kind of this party thing going on after the football game tonight," I mutter nervously, swirling my fork around in my syrup. "And I guess I was wondering if maybe I could go?" I don't know why I bother asking, as I'm pretty sure I already know the answer. It took so long for me to simply be able to drive on my own. Why would my dad be cool with me going out?

I look up, stealing a glance at Dad. I'm not exactly sure how he's going to react to my question, but I'm definitely not expecting to see a huge smile across his face when I make eye contact with him. In fact, that's the last way I had expected my father to react. I'm so shocked, I hardly even realize that my father has started speaking.

"If you want to," Dad tells me, grinning, "I think that would be great. Only if you're ready though."

The disappointment I feel must reflect on my face, because my dad suddenly asks, "What? Did you want me to say no?"

"Yes," I blurt. I furrow my eyebrows at my answer, confused at myself. Shaking my head, I add, "No. I don't know. It's just . . . I've never . . . done this kind of thing before."

Dad reaches across the table and takes my hand in his comfortingly, his gaze soft as it meets my own. "It's okay, Morgan," he tells me softly. "I understand. If you don't want to go, that's fine. But if you do want to go, that's fine too. I only want you to do what you feel ready for, okay?"

I nod slowly, grateful for my father's words at the same time I wish he would just yell at me and tell me I'm too young to go to parties. That's probably the weirdest thing I've ever wished for. I mean, who wants to be yelled at by their parents?

I suppose I just need to learn that I only have one life, so I might as well live it to the fullest. I don't want to look back on my life only to realize that I never took any risks, that I followed the same old routine until the end. Isn't that what life is about? Having fun and being young, taking chances even if they might crash and burn? You never know until you try, and who's to say going to this party might not be the most fun I've had in a while? I mean, I deserve to just let loose and hang back for once after everything I've gone through. I deserve to be able to pretend like I'm a normal teenage girl, living her normal teenage life, doing normal teenage things.