(in this imagine it wasn't dawson and shay in the building that killed shay but it was y/n and shay. also pouch is still alive and well)
How do people move on so quickly? It had only been 6 weeks since Shays death and the only one who seems to still be mourning her is me. I trudged into the firehouse at 5:57 am, and walked straight to the sleeping quarters. When I walked in, Pouch was sound asleep on my bed, dreaming (probably about yummy food and chasing cats). I went and sat on my bed and pulled out the book from my bag and flipped to the page I was last reading. I was reading for what seemed like hours but in reality only minutes when I heard Cruz yell, "Breakfast is ready," from the kitchen. Who could possibly be in the mood to eat right now? Not me, that's for sure. Down the hall, I heard Chief Boden ask, "Has anyone seen Y/N yet?" When no one responded, I decided to walk down the hall and make myself known. "I'm right here, Chief." "Great! Since everyone's here, I wanted to make an announcement. Dawson will now be joining y/l/n on ambo. until further notice." As the words left his mouth, everyone turned and looked at me. Everyone knew that I was taking Shays death harder than most. Just by simply bringing up the incident, it sent me to tears. I looked down at my lap before getting up and excusing myself. "Um, I'll be right back." As I headed towards the locker rooms, Chief looked at Casey and Severide, indicating to them that I should be checked on. The two followed me to the restroom but before I could enter, I turned towards them and simply stated, "Guys I'm okay. I just need a minute to compose myself." They both looked at each other and then back at me and nodded. And with that, I walked through the locker room and into one of the stalls in the bathroom. After taking a few deep breaths, I was finally able to calm myself down. After exiting the stall, I turned the sink faucet on and splashed some cold water on my face before staring at myself in the mirror in front of me for what seemed like hours before the alarm bells went off indicating we had a call to jump into. I quickly exited the restroom and made my way to the apparatus before quickly sliding into the drivers side of the ambulance. Dawson came up to the window with a weird look. Usually, the PIC was supposed to ride shotgun. I wasn't used to the new position. I was always the one to drive since Shay was PIC. I quickly slid into the spot next to me and Dawson opened the door and hopped in before speeding off to our call destination.
*times skip to after call*
Once we came back from the call, Dawson and I went our separate ways. Ever since the accident, I always felt that Dawson had blamed me for what happened. I personally had nothing against the woman, the only thing I despised her for was for being so damn gorgeous. I went straight to the sleeping quarters to get a fresh change of clothes I was planning on changing into after my shower. I placed my stuff on the bench inside the locker room and turned the shower on, adjusting it to the appropriate temperature. After letting the water warm up, I stripped my clothes off, leaving me in nothing but a towel. Once the water was just right, I placed my towel on the hook right outside of the shower stall. I let the water soak into my body as I stared absentmindedly at the wall in front of me. Something I had been doing everyday for the past few weeks. I decided it would be best to just do a quick rinse seeing as I would probably shower again towards the end of shift. Once I got out of the shower and changed into a fresh set of clothes, I walked into the kitchen to grab some crackers before heading back into the sleeping quarters to read the book I was previously so intrigued in. As I sat on my bunk, I soon found myself being lost in the story, unaware of my surroundings. At least until I felt the foot of the bed dip on both sides. I looked up from the pages and was met with looks from two pairs of blue eyes. I sighed marking the page in my book and shutting it. "What do you guys want?" I asked. "For you to talk to us. Tell us what's going through that mind of yours," said Severide. "Well, right now, i'm wondering why you two are sitting in front of me when we all know you have important stuff to do." They paused looking at each other, then back at me. Casey finally spoke up saying, "We just wanted to check in with you, see how you're doing." I scoffed. "How I'm doing? You guys expected me to say I'm fine because that's what I've been saying the past 3 weeks. But I'm not, I'm struggling." I admitted to them, tears welling up in my eyes. They looked and each other and I could tell they were relieved to finally get the truth out of me. "Ever since the accident, I've just constantly been replaying what happened that day, what led up to h-her.." I couldn't even finish what I was saying before the sobs left my mouth. "y/n, there's no way you could've known what was going to happen. I really hope you aren't blaming yourself for this," Casey said. I looked up at him and met his eyes before asking, "How could I not? If I hadn't been so insistent that she take over, it would've been me. I would've been the one to get hit by that beam and I would be dead right now. HOW CAN YOU SIT THERE AND TELL ME THAT NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT? IF I HAD BEEN THE ONE TREATING THE PATIENT, SHAY WOULD STILL BE HERE, GABBY AND YOU (severide) WOULDN'T HATE ME AND MELISSA WOULD STILL HAVE A SISTER! EVERYTHING WENT TO SH*T THAT DAY" Wow, getting all of that out was somewhat a relief but it didn't fix anything. Severide looked at me with wide eyes and pulled me into a hug. "Where did you ever get the impression that I hate you, or Dawson for that matter? God, y/n, that is so far from the truth." After sitting in his embrace for a few seconds, I pulled away, looking him in the eye. "Shay was your best friend," I said simply. "Yeah but she was yours too. y/n, I think it's time that you talk to someone. You need to get help." Casey spoke as I turned to him. "I don't want to talk to anyone. I can't sit on a couch and talk to some stranger about how I feel." "Hey, we never said it had to be a stranger. You can always talk to us y/n. I thought we had always made it clear that if you ever needed anyone to talk to that you could come to any one of the dozen people we have in this house." I sighed looking down at my hands, "You have. I just don't want to be a burden to you guys, you have your own issues to deal with. You shouldn't have to babysit me too." Severide simply said, "Trust me when I say you're not going to be a burden to us. We want nothing more than to help you through this." I smiled at them and stated, "Thank you guys. I don't know what I'd do without you. You're the best friends anyone could ever ask for." After both of them pulling me in for a hug, I decided it would be a good time to get some food seeing as I skipped breakfast and we're only surviving off of peanut butter crackers. Getting up from my bed, I pulled them both to my side and planted a soft kiss on their cheeks before walking into the kitchen. "I love you guys," I stated. "We love you too, y/n/n," they both stated in unison before smiling down at me. I knew it was going to be a long road to recovery but with these two at my side and a firehouse full of people to fall back on, it wasn't going to be as hard.
