The Beard

Chapter Nine

"What the heck is a beard?" I ask just what I had been thinking. I had never heard that term before and I know it would nag me until I new.

Sebastian leaned back against the red cushion of the booth. He pulled a napkin from the dispenser and wiped his mouth. As he did so, I looked around the place. I'd call it retro themed, as if it was pulled right from the fifties. It was a bit cliche for a diner, but it was cute. The walls were white with the trims and borders painted red. Our table was a shiny red color just as the booth cushions were. The order counter also had little cushioned stools. Pictures of the fifties hung on the wall and it was all so cute.

"I want you to be like my cover...since I'm still in the closet." Sebastian's voice pulled me from observing my surroundings. I look over at him, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"You want to lie?" I asked. I was doubtful that his idea was good. "And what is a beard? You never specified."

"A beard is a person who covers for someone who's in the closet. They play as their significant other so that said person can remain in the closet..." He explained slowly, an unsure look coating his face. "Not lying per se, just withholding the truth. Not letting it be known."

I could feel anger swirling in my body. There was no way I would be able to do that. I looked hard at Sebastian, drilling him with my gaze. My eyes trailed over his blonde hair that was kind of slicked to the side, one strand falling into his face. His skin had gained some more more and it was a huge difference from the pale it had been earlier. I couldn't help but look at his lips again. They were pink and plump and I had enjoyed kissing them over the years.

"You want to rub salt into my wounds?" I ask him softly. There's no way I can do this. It'd be way too heartbreaking.

"No!" He's quick to respond. Sebastian reaches for my hand but I pull away. It feels a bit like we're back to square one.

I shake my head at him and lift up my soda. It's a bit watered down now from the melted ice. "I can't be close to you without actually having you."

Sebastian is quiet for a moment and I'm afraid to look at him. I don't want to see what he could possibly be thinking or feeling. Instead, I have my gaze trained to the clear glass with a red and white striped straw in it.

"Emie..." Sebastian sighs. "I'm so sorry. I don't want you to feel this way...I love you, Emie bear. I still want to be with you."

"You're so confusing!" I nearly shout, but settle for a slightly raised voice. Luckily there weren't too many people in here right now. "Why do you keep saying that? You don't want me, Sebastian, so just stop giving me false hope that we'll be together. I can't take it!"

I get up and make my way outside. How could he? Or am I not being understanding enough? Throwing my arm over the other, I clutch it and find my way to his truck. I'm full of all these feelings I don't want. Confusion is at the top of that list. Is it possible for a male who's gay to have feeling for the opposite sex? There's no way unless he's just in love with my personality. But he wouldn't want to kiss me nor...become intimate. Sebastian has already proven that last part.

Hearing footsteps, I look up from a pebble to see Sebastian cautiously making his way over to me. He stops in from of me before moving to the side and leaning against the truck next to me. We say nothing to each other and just enjoy the quiet. A bird chirps every few seconds and cars pass on the street. The trees rustle and suddenly I can't take this silence.

"I don't want to fall even more in love with you. I can't let you be all I know because I'll never get a happy ending."

I look up at him to see his gaze already settled on me. Sebastian's blue eyes are soft as he looks at me. Giving me a small smile, he grabs my hand and gives it a small squeeze.